& if I committed to you I’d be committing the greatest sin

The nights of cheap alcohol that lit me on fire
& that spark in your eyes that burned your name into my subconscious
Staying on topic while talking to me is like trying to stay a course in a full force hurricane
Destruction is what I crave
& I’m done with be ashamed of who I am
I’m just a girl; granted a very insane type of girl who loves road trips and the peace of mind that comes from throwing you confession out to sea

Tight lipped and tongue tied your lies have eaten away at my soul for long enough
You were once the apple of my eye, but long ago you rotted away
The logic behind my every course of action seems to be very cheap and trite
But you’re the one who threw my heart away in the first place
It was a suicidal teenage dream, wrapped in pink, and stapled to a tree

You’re just like the boy with nails in his eyes
He can’t see what’s in front of him
Of course I can’t say much, since I have pins and needles through every vein
If only I could be more original and so much less cliché about this, this
Heart broken, drunk driven, crashed car nightmare that we called a romance

It’s laughable.
All those nights we laid awake, planning our future
(keyword “our” future)
I would be a lawyer, you would be a doctor
Our kids would be named Sadie or Aiden
& our song would be played at the wedding
(you even picked out the burial plots)

All I can think of is that this just must be love in the information age
Math and Science have everything to do with it
& I swear that I can see a binary code when you speak
01100100101000101100I’m1001010101
10010011101010100101010110sorry00101

Blank pages; you asked me how I felt and I said it
My lips are swollen from praying for salvation
I feel like cheap cigarettes and cannibalism
Like it’s autumn and all my leaves are falling

(now for something completely off the topic)

Have you ever noticed that moths are like vampires?
They both really hate the sun, and tend to die when it rises?
Is that a coincidence or could it be something more sinister?




(back to the matter at hand)


It’s alright that the late night phone calls drifted off
& finally just stopped coming
The static on the other end of the line was more than enough
To sell me on the fact that you were already long gone

I never realized how old he was
I guess in the back of my mind he never got older
(at least he never acted like it)
If that’s how I’m supposed to act when I’m 21
I’m damn glad I got it over at 17

Those nights of binge drinking
Being thrown out of beds, hell, even being thrown in them
The “take another left, oh fuck it’s a cop, just act sober, listen for the sound of Rob’s music” kind of weekends.
The moments we don’t remember, and those ones we’d like to forget

It’s been too hot in this room for long enough
I’ve let down my guard and you can’t even stop by
This window overlooks nothing but the beauty in my minds eye
I can only stare at the brick wall for so long

Draw me a picture
Something to keep me encouraged
Tell me a story
Something involving far away lands and legendary romances
The kind that I will never achieve

My life seems like a run-on sentence with a fragment thrown in for good measure
Like a shattered disco ball
It makes even less sense now then it did two weeks ago
Perhaps I’m just falling apart, and I just don’t realize it

I am fully aware that my words are worthless
Only a thousand screaming souls can make a difference
& yet one death is referred to as a tragedy

It’s ridiculous for someone not to like someone else because they believe in a god
I have no room to talk because as far as I know
When I pray to my cat instead of god
They prayers come true about the same amount of time

Of course that could just be me


So I’m done apologizing for all that’s been done to us
(us: as in, you and me, well usually you vs. me)
The fights
Lost tempers
Broken bones and shattered picture frames


I’ve often wished that could write something beautifully tragic
Just so my shining prince would come
I think it might just be too late



I don’t need you to save me anymore
I’m not your shooting star
I’m not your damsel in distress

I’m a lot of things:
A candy-coated nightmare
Diamond studded dumpster cake
Little miss gore
A bitch
& a mistake

But I don’t need you to save me.

While you were gone, I learned how to save myself.
So it looks like you’re out of a job.
I hope that when you were out there finding yourself
You picked up a new trade
Because heart-gluer has currently been filled
Although I might have an opening in the future
If I ever need someone to remind me
Exactly what went wrong
& why I never want to go back