Its been many years
Filled with problems
But now you're here
Almost as if to solve them
Or cause afew
I can't see my world without you
This is the best thing
The best thing that can happen
And I think you would agree
The best thing is us
Its happening to you
Its happening to me
All I'm gonna have
Is all that you can give
All I can give back
Everything I have in me
Cause nothing ever felt as right
As this does now
Cause when I look into your eyes
And you looked right back
You should've said
"I'm Trease
Nice to meet you,
I'm your other half"
Always knew
I'd find someone
I never drempt about
It was such a surprise
Meeting the one
I love so much
In a place I hate as much
It was such a surprise
Meeting the one
Who'd surpass
All that I hoped for
All that I wished for
The best thing
The best thing is happening
And I think you would agree
The best thing is us
Its happening to you
Its happening to me
Author notes
Trease and her mom love the 4th stanza
I like the 5th
Tell me wat you think
In a list
A contest entry
- prewrites by Melissa Gayle.
400 points, ended October 13, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - anything goes by Lola Green.
370 points, ended January 11, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter All Your Love Writes Here! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended March 8, 2008, 306 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
hows this for a serinating song?(or cheesy song as the mom kept saying)
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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this sounds like what steven said to me... it's so sweet and very heartfelt indeed! beautifully writen.
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Good
I really like your poem, its really good!
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this will make a very good song. thank you for enterin
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actually,
now that i re-read it, i like the fifth better.
Abby -
i would have to agree with trease and her mom.
i like the fourth stanza the best. its so (forgive me for saying this) cute. (gags)
but it really is. -
sounds a lot like a country song... it almost played to a tune in my head while I read it... I am not sure what else to say, this is the comment that comes to mind... I hope this does not offend... I hope your intention was for this piece to sound like a country song, that would be quite serendipitous...
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line 5 - "a" and "few" are two separate words...
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The emotion is good but the piece gets repetitive.
Vary words and phrases and perhaps even consider shortening. You have a good basis but I do feel a bit of tightening could help.
Just my opinions. -
drept should be dreamt i think but other than that this is a very good piece, my fav part has got to be the fifth stanza, but that's just my opinoin
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your opinion and mine
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