Crying Blood

You don’t know what its like to be held back
From who you want to be
When you can’t even be who you are
A broken soul, without hope
Alone in this world
Having no where to turn
No one to love you the way you thought you deserved
But it turns out I’m not worth what I’d hoped
Not worth the effort to be ridiculed
Not worth the struggle to stay in love

Of course if it’s a struggle to stay in love,
Are you really even there, or was it just a mirage
Something that you dreamed into existence,
It wouldn’t be the first time I wished my way into a life
I didn’t have
Lonely and afraid
I do what I can to stay sane
But I don’t think its working
I’m slightly on the crazy side
Every day I drift a little further – closer to insanity
One day I’ll have a scar on my body for each one
I placed on someone else’s heart

But they will never know
Others will see and think I’m unstable
But I know it’s my way to cope with what I cannot face
I cannot face that I’ve become everything I despise
I detest my very existence
So I lie to myself by saying I’m normal, happy, content
When in reality I’m everything but…

Yet no one is the wiser
Suspicions cease to be said aloud
Everyone wonders how I stay so strong
I laugh,
If only they knew how weak I really am
That’s one thing I’m good at
Hiding my weaknesses
They cannot know who I really am
A lonely thread of a girl
Not close to being a woman
Not close to being a precious stone
Incapable of being pure

Instead of a clear spring of laughter
I am a dirty lake of tears
I cry blood
For those I have hurt
To take their pain away
A martyr for forsaken love
All that I’ve ever known

Love is no longer indestructible
Those whose purpose was to love you
Is actually to tear you apart
Crushing your heart
With their words
Actions
Displays of disapproval of what you want
Need
Hope for
They do not care if you are happy
They leave you to be alone
Hopeless
Powerless
Loveless


Crying Blood