The sound of your breath as you lie on the bed
The sound of your hair as you move your head
The sound of your legs as they move on the sheet
The sound of the cover as it slips off your feet
The sound that you made as you readied for bed
The sound of the brush in the hair on your head
The sound of your legs as they walk cross the floor
The sound of your clothes as they fall to the floor
The sound that you made as you washed in the bath
The sounds that we made as we kissed by the hearth
The sound of your legs as they carried you in
The sound of the kiss that I laid on your skin
The sound of your voice as we spoke on the phone
The sound of the words that asked "Are you alone"
The sound that we made as we parted this morn
The sound of your feet as they walked cross the lawn
The sound that we made as we woke up in bed
The sound that I made as I kissed your sweet head
The sound of the tea as you drank from the cup
The sound that we heard as the clock woke us up
But the sound I am waiting as I play back the day
Is the sound of your voice as you call me to play
The sounds we will make as we love in our bed
Are the sounds that will echo all night in my head
Author notes
There were some other sounds I couldn't fit in, the bst of all is the sound of stockinged thighs gently rubbing...
A contest entry
- Total Seduction: Mind and Body (18 and over ONLY) by Celticmoon.
600 points, ended October 15, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre - Writes Thats Worth My Time by Lick On Her1275.
775 points, ended October 22, 2007, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please comment below. Spelling or rhyming or scanning corrections welcome.
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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ooo all those sounds!!
god i miss hearing those!!
Just the simple sounds are so important in making love...great write!
L-R-P -
this is very very impressively romantic i loved the way the sheets of your mind speaks good luck in the contest
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Awesome, awesome, awesome. How do I tell you what I like about this? I love the comprehensive being of your lover in every line and how each action right from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to bed is foreplay. Excellent. Good luck in the contest.
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Great poem, appropriately named.
Couple of things you might want to fix up though:
"The sound of your breathe as you lie on the bed"
"The sound of your legs as the walk cross the floor"
You might also want to consider using some punctuation, although it isn't a necessary component in poetry. -
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I do very often punctuate, but I took it out here. I see the lines as disparate floating thoughts in the head of the lover. Thanks for the corrections the breathe I had just corrected the to they done from yours, thanks again
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you're welcome
good luck in the contest.
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very good!
Very good. My suggestion would be that it borders on being too long- and there need to be a refresher or reief here & there from the same words. I appreciate the rhyming.
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The title is an effective intro as the poem focuses entirely on sounds.The first line breathe/breath,it makes an intrinsic difference,a minor typo but it will make an inherent difference to the piece.Am unsure as to line two "the sound of your hair" it doesn't work for hair does not make a sound so it felt forced.Would suggest a gap between the last line of the poem and the end of the page to allow the words to resonate longer within the readers mind's eye.
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Thanks for the typo correction I shall fix it forthwith. If you think hair is silent then you need to lie next to a beautiful woman with her red hair stretched out on a freshly laundered pillowcase. The sounds is definitely foreplay for me!
As for the gap, I do sometimes use that as a device, not sure about it here, when I read the piece to myself a long gap there sounds false. I shall consider further.
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enjoyed this one ... it was exceptionally sensual and the fact that you have webbed me in with your words and not let me down with the ending is a bonus ... it has left me with a smile on my face ... thank you
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Not letting you down is important to me, what would be the sound for you?
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hmmmm ... well now ... in my mind, the sound most fitting for me would be a brass band
lol
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The sound of your seduction sweet
Would have this reader off her feet
The sound of your voice whispering low
"Come my love, it's time to go"
The sound of footfalls on the stair
Each one closer to your lair
The sound as you switch out the light
Kiss me long and hold me tight
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