((inhale))
))puke((
^up^
all
your
Failings.
< die.away >
[‘cause it’ll make you
beau.ti.ful]
Squeeze your sides
(Erode) away
Till
your
\\ribs\\
//jut//
/\/\\out.\\/\/\
h<3ney…
This is 4.E.v.R.
&This is
Hollywood
R<3mance.
l.o.v.e me (how I am)—
A *FRONT PAGE* tRaGeDy.
o t h e r w i s e
we
&&love
&&romance
&& media –bullet- kisses
will get to know
DISASTER
Just a little better.
[<3]
Author notes
Um...eating disorders?
I'm just starting to try out the dirty pretty style; this is actually the first dirty-pretty attempt... any thoughts on how I did? Comments will be loved, heeded, and returned.
In a list
?
Comments
-
this is a bit of a dirty pretty mishmash. In parts its like a cut and paste job from maybe four or five poems you've written and picked favourite bits from. Each line is a new dirty pretty convention. I like the first part about puking up your failings to make you beautiful but you've overdone the punctuation. I know a lot of people on ehre love all that but at the end of teh day so many people do it to diguise that fact that teh words aren't the best they could have done. My advice is to take out the kiddy punctuation and the text speak (4.E.v.A.) and the extra &'s and jsut concentrate on the metaphor and deep lines that make the dirty pretty genre great.
for a first feel out into a new style i applaud the attempt. now you need to grow more away from the brackets and punctuation marks that prop up this piece. go for it...
well done, im off back to your page to read more of your stuff....
xxxx
-
I loved the poem. Allthough I have not read much dirty pretty and dont really understand it, i really thought this was good. Keep up the good work!
-Liz
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