[Boucing rhythms of the road and bustles of conversations bring music soothing my soul]
...
I was sitting on the bus
that morning that I had that
thought. And what a precious
jewel it was, sitting in my mind
and stroking my soul like
some kind of ecstatic lust.
And as my mind was swollen
in this thought, the girl sitting
in front of me wove her hair
around her fingers and
told the boy in front of her
that he was an ugly son of bitch.
But instead of thinking of how
she was an appalling youth
and automatically stereotyping
anyone who wore the same
mini-skirt tank-top combo
the thought just grew
bigger and even began to sit
on the top of her ego. And
when we stopped at the next
bus-shuttle, before the people
waiting stepped up into the
reckless cycle of early days,
I recognized each of their faces,
and realized these were the people
who I sat near everyday, they
were regulars in this bus
and on my life, but they weren’t
anywhere’s near the top, I thought,
how I didn’t know anything about
anyone of them. So when the
chubby woman with the gentle
smile asked me if this seat
was taken, I told her no,
and that she was looking
beautiful today, and when she
grinned at that, I told her
she had the most lovely smile.
And once again I saw that thought
dancing with her lips as she told me
about her children and her husband
and how her sister had passed away
last month. And when I gave
her my deepest sympathies
she just told me God loved me too.
My bus ride finished 6 minutes
earlier that day, and as I stepped off
I decided to tell the bus driver
to have a nice day. But when I
turned around, the bus was already
down the road with a wonderful
ad plastered on its tail. Everyone is
equal, it read and showed a picture
of an exhausted bus driver (who looked
like he was just trying to make enough
money to support his family) and a picture
of an angry teenager (who I realized
was just misguided in the similarity
of her shadow) and a chubby woman
who happened to seem like
she’d just lost a sister and thinks
God loves everyone. I thought it was odd
the resemblance of this ad and
that thought I had earlier. But I just
disregarded these ideas and threw them
in the trashcan on main street.
When I wanted to get them after the bus ride
that next morning, the garbage tuck
had already taken them away.
(I wonder what the lives of the garbage truck driver and the man who owns the dump are like.)
Author notes
Okay, so it sucks, but just some thoughts I had to tread.
A contest entry
- prewrites-only by hilly.
300 points, ended October 2, 2007, 4 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Fiesta! - For my Favourites - by Never Fall in Love.
1250 points, ended March 13, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Shoot.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This most definitely does not suck.
ok ok, this was more on the prose side. But I've rarely read a peice of prose that has made me satisfied. Whereas your peice simply blew me away! I like the subtle metaphors in which you imply many different things but do not stop to explain it - instead continue that interesting train of thought.
Brilliant, little boy - NOT sucky
Never ♥
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Hmmm...
what is it about this piece? it has a good idea to it, really. and i think that there ought to be a good balance between the story and the poetry in a poem, but i think you got the story--and not the poetry aspect so much. i'm thinking, maybe you could've thinned out some of the storyline and left a little more to the imagination. but the trick is not losing the story when you do that.
just a thought. -
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I know what you mean. It was sort of done on purpose. I donno. This is just a blunt kinda feeling straight out kind poem. More prose I guess. Thanks for the contest and comments.
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Great job Ryan, I liked this alot. Really gets the brain a working. Well done.
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Thank-you
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I've often thought those same things...well done.
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Will I'm glad. Wish everyone would. Thank-you for the clappers.
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Wow this is really good. I really made me think. Good job.
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Thank-you for your kind words and appluads.
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