As I was looking around the room
Dimly lighted by a swaying light
Coming from a trusty servant
That is – a candle that looks like a star in the night sky.
I took my focus in such a thing
And I realize that it portrays a feeling
Feelings that interprets human sadness,
As well as unrequited love disguised by happiness
Before it was lighted by a matchstick
It first took a shape of a special figure,
And then fire was born in its slender rod,
VIOLA! The candle’s light was now in sight!
As I focus more and more
I saw liquids sliding down its features
I thought for somehow it resembles tears
Tears that might come from the new companion
Or might have been caused from distraction
Now my sight can’t get away from it
Since the candle started to shrink
I saw myself in such a stance
That though a light was there
A regretful feeling won’t go away
I for once was like a candle
Happy for the warmth that was given by someone
But later on, my views had changed
That the real thing is
The warmth I'm feeling was not from the fire and its passionate touch
Rather, tears that flooded my heart
For after sometime when the light on my room was just enough
And a little light from a candle are no longer needed
I blew the fire off and feel contented
But the warmth that was once there was replaced by coldness
I was confused and was greatly befuddled
Since the candle stops from crying and now free
But the air is frozen.
I started to remember again,
A candle was like a human being
When love resembles the fire,
Was blown away and left in a still space
Would replace the warmth and feelings are forgotten
The once sensation being adored was now abhorred
Leaving a human apathetic left in the cold and chilling
So I prefer to be a candle on fire
That I may be alone but loneliness subsides
Cause the feeling of having warmth from someone
Was just enough to be strong and alive
A contest entry
- CLOSED....................................ANYONE WHO DOES NOT HAVE A TROPHY APPLY HERE by Summer Dawn.
375 points, ended September 26, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The worse poem ever by Darkwell.
450 points, ended July 9, 2008, 36 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Mou...please have some of your reviews!!!
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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hey don't feel bad about this
what matter is, you were able to write your sentiments
about it
being inspired by a candle, that's something, out from
an inanimate object...
now where are those diptyque candles...
I wonder if I light some up
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wow im really torn here. your grammer is atrosious an you cross tenses alot in this poem which really irritates me but theres also something in the metaphors that draws me to this. going from the life of a candle to a human life really cost you poo. You totally need to read it an tap your foot for rhythm an meter but thats just editing.
When love resembles the fire,
Was blown away and left in a still space
Would replace the warmth and feelings are forgotten
The once sensation being adored was now abhorred
Leaving a human apathetic left in the cold and chilling
you lose poo for this its brillient even though the grammer is awkward
So I prefer to be candle on fire
That I may be alone but loneliness subsides
Cause the feeling of having warmth from someone
Was just enough to be strong and alive
this too. grammers hacked but the message rocks.
scale of 1-10, 10 being the worse poem possible
6
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hey, i know it's bad!!!
That's why i entered this to your contest, duh!!!
yah, this one's freaking me out for goodness sakes!!!
I forgot to re-edit this so when I checked this out again after long time...
Now that you mentioned it, I feel like stupid because i can't deliver the message perfectly...
heh, that's why I enter this poem too, so I'll know specifically what's wrong with it...
thanks for criticizing as well as appreciating this...
poo(r) me... [yuck!!!]
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very nice thoughts on a candelight.
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amazing
I loved this and it has shown me what that feeling is when you just sit there starring at the candles flame, burning bright, then dimming only to burn bright once more. and the dancing of not only the flame but also the wax down the side of the candle. keep up the great writing and all the best in the competition.
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