the haze hummed
like dusky smoke
about our limbs
and cherry’s ichor
seeped
from our fruited lips
as we sucked & spat
glistening seeds
at heaven’s clouds;
together,
we watched stars
blossom like
lightning
in the heat
of evening sky.
A contest entry
- PAY IT FORWARD QUICKIE CONTEST! 10/40/20 by Jeremy0826.
300 points, ended September 24, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
critique welcome.
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Wow. Just...this piece is just filled to the brim with invigorating images which really do remind me of summer. A season that has now passed. Well done, my friend.
"lightning" = "lightening" -
good
this was beautifully written, some wonderful images here, I really liked this write. good luck! x -
Wow. This was so beautiful. I loved the images that it created in my mind. Excellent job on the prompt!
Write on!
~*~SP~*~
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wow
that was so metophoric
i loved it!!!
great write and even more impressive with the short time span!!! -
Awesomely written.
It's quite good..
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wow, this was such a wonderful read, i'm so glad i came across it
best of luck in the contest. be well and be blessed
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I really liked this piece. The descriptions are so raw and vivid. Great take on the prompt. Good luck in the contest!
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So beautiful!
You have captured the essence of passion so romantically!
I wish you all the best!
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Wow, wonderful work here!
I love the imagery in this.
Great job and good luck to you.
I appreciate your entry!
Jeremy0826 -
That is just beautiful!!! You have such a wonderful way with expression! Excellent write here!!!
LOVE these lines:
"and cherry’s ichor
seeped
from our fruited lips"
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even better now!
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Thanks!
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awww this was adorable take on the prompt
goodluck
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