Inhale the bitter darkness
that stains my lungs with grief.
Suppress the cough,
-groping
latching tight against my throat,
crawling its way out
driving a foot into my chest,
stifling the beat of my heart-
draining the streams
within my veins, consuming.
Inhale the bitter darkness
of life.
Author notes
the world is not black and white, but in shades of grey
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
thanks for entering... it is nicely written, but I have no clue what it is really saying. either you are describing a cold, a death of someone you love, a suicide, or you forgot to give insight into your words for others to realize what you are talking about. I would like for you to explain this piece to me. since it has many interputations possible, I want to know what this piece means to you. good luck
-
-
hey yeah its supposed to be a little abstract. Its kind of generic too describing the difficulty and just pain in the @$$ that life can be sometimes. I kind of leave it open to interpretation because everyone has a different 'key' issue in life and I want people to take from this poem not what I feel but what they feel. Life can be suffocating sometimes, thats really the point.
-
-
i have asthma (sp?) and i feel just like this when i need my inhaler, lol.
i like how you deside to describe something that is not physical in a physical aspect. you have a strong metaphor and in order for people to relate more and to feel the pain, you illusstrate it as something physical, which has a big impact on the reader.
hmmm, nothing that i would want to change, as in nothing akward that i can see, but my grammer skills are not exactly up to par, haha.
great write!
LXF -
Hood winked!
Strong metaphor, and descriptive language. I can remember the throat tightening at the funeral and having a hard time speaking around it. Grief does feel like a kick in the chest, and the loss of a love one or of love make you feel like your heart will stop beating. Grief can become all consuming. I hope you remember to exhale. It is hard, but grief will ease, and you'll be able to inhale purity again. The heart needs time to heal. I don't know what grief you faced here but your pain is expressed here in a beautiful release of language and emotion. Very well written, with strong use of poetic device. Hugs and hope I will read a poem of rejoicing from you soon.
Adding your comment:
