painfully smiling

Im waiting for you,
to break my heart,
im not going to lie,
its beginning to start.

Im waiting for you,
to just move on,
from what shoudl be the past,
of times now gone.

Im waiting for you,
to love me too,
to actually mean it,
what you say and do..

Im hating you,
for tricking me,
into this whole thing,
too blind to see.

Im hating you,
for making me trust,
im false hope and lies,
where for you its lust.

Im smiling for you,
you and your lies,
i love what you tell me,
but i dont understand why.

Im smiling for you,
because its the only way,
i kno how to deal,
til you move on from kay.

Im smiling for you,
because i cannot cry,
my heart is hurting,
from all these lies.

Im waiting for me,
to break and fall,
to finally actually cry,
im waiting for you,
to fuck me up,
and not explain why,
im waitng for me,
to get the courage,
to end this all soon,
so i can move on ok from this,
adn my heal my heart's wounds.
Im waiting so impatiently,
its playing on my mind,
im wanting it all but nothing,
confusion and regret i find.

im wanting to hurt though,
to feel so fucking bad,
im wanting to just cry,
and actually feel sad.

And as i am crap at life,
i will wait until you do,
break my poor heart,
probably into two.

Im hoping that we will work,
that you can move on with life,
im hoping we will be ok,
but it cuts a bit like a knife.

So i shall stop writing now,
as this is getting no where,
and just wait until that day,
when you admit you dont care