The human body is a generous mix,
of indigo veins crawling up ivory bones-
worming their way through muscle-
carrying health and poison- depending.
The human body is a mesh of sorts,
interlocking webs, spidery cells.
Each pulsating organ has a purpose,
splitting, dividing, choosing, sorting, keeping.
Keeping us alive.
The human body is intelligent,
signals spanning across many planes,
instructing us to eat, slumber, and even breathe.
Our soul is in the tissue, as is our heart-
all thoughts are electric signals-
electric emotions, electric dreams.
The human body has a path,
it is set on a timer, a lifespan.
Each and every body dies one day,
the cells stop, the organs stop-
there is no electricity.
The human body will decay,
and so the flesh will slough off,
bones and muscles and veins are exposed-
they collapse, digress, break apart
and the remaining pieces return to earth.
Author notes
*POW* The Human Body :-p
A contest entry
- The POW by Arkbear.
500 points, ended September 24, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Title - The title was okay... plain, but I knew what to expect for a subject when I came in. 8/10
Appearance - Black on white is not the best color scheme, but it applies to what your topic is. 8/10
First Impression - I really liked the first stanza, and the last stanza. In between read almost like a medical journal or Jr. High health class text. 8/10
Rule Adherence - Bear noted you did not place POW or the theme in your author notes, but they were there when I read it. I'm assuming Bear did not error, and will judge based on his comments. Please do not edit entries or notes once a judge has commented and scored a POD/POW/POM/POY entry. 8/10
Rhythm - The rhythm worked well for me for the most part. Not fantastic throughout, but decent. 8.5/10
Imagery - Again, I was somewhat divided in my scoring here between the ends and the middle of this. 8.5/10
Originality - Fairly original... I don't see many poems relating to the make-up of the human body. The knee bone's connected to the thigh bone... lol 9/10
Spelling/Word Usage - I found no spelling errors. 10/10
Grammar - I found no grammatical errors. 10/10
Ease of Understanding - I found this very easy to understand. 10/10
Final Score - 88/100 -
This, to me, is very questionable as to whether it tells, or shows. However…I did get some good imagery from it, (almost toooo much.
) so that’s a plus for you. 
Stanza 2 - I didn’t care for the repetition of the word “keeping” and felt you could have incorporated that into the first part of the stanza without making it a separate sentence in the last line. As Bear mentioned…repetition of “the human body”, while it ties each stanza together, gets old - fast. I had no problem with the flow or rhythm of the piece, and I thought the language interesting without being “scientific”. This is a borderline piece for me, but that has more to do with my personal likes (or dislikes) about the subject than any technical problems, so really doesn’t hurt your score any. About the only other thing I can fault it for is that it doesn’t trigger a lot of emotion in me, and the title was not attention grabbing. But all told, this is a solid write and I’m happy to see it as a part of the POW.
Best wishes,
~J.
-
Hmmmm ~
This is more of a statement, than Poetic verse ~
However...this is one of the best I have read as of yet ~
Your last couple of lines did lose power....but every other line kept me intrigued ~
I am not fond of your form, but it did fit..... barely ~
.....but it did fit..hehe ~
Your subject matter is quality ~
Your Title.....tooooo common ~
I think all the Poet has to do is read the first line of each stanza and they get it ~
:)
However....not a bad write at all ~
You did forget to place the *POW*..& your Theme in your Authors' Notes ~
Good luick Poet ~
Bear ~
Title 8.5
Flow 9.2
Depth 9.7
Theme 9.4
Feelings 8.8
Grammar 9.5
Presentation 8.8
Uncommonness 9.1
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.3
Ability to follow Rules 8
Bears Score: 90.3
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