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Sensuality Vase

Passion’s scarlet vase
of elegance,
I float within
the scent of love’s
perfumed kiss
beckons my soul
swelled love pores sends
its sweet droplets
to blossom fields
of passion silk

He gathers my all
into his precious vase
held where love beats
as my heart
counts
the beauty of him
and its beats
still continues

And so hard to come out
where beauty forces strong
I become like a tulip there
Water by his presence
held in passion's vase
 deeply in love tis I...


I bleed quietly
such sweet droplets
that blossom feilds of
passion
silk

Passion’s scarlet vase
of elegance,
I float within

I hope he kisses me




 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 






 

Author notes

I'll be your Ap aunt or whatever else
you seem like you have a good personality

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Serenity-words
    February 18
    Edit | Reply
    Hm I love it! Great job, and thank you for putting this into my contest!


  • nearlycivilized
    April 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Overall the poems is nicely written, I just have a few problems with it... The first stanza doesn't make sense. "Passion’s scarlet vase
    of elegance,
    I float within
    the scent of love’s
    perfumed kiss" That would work, if there was a period after kiss, however, you can't have a sentence that says "beckons my soul
    swelled love pores sends
    its sweet droplets
    to blossom fields
    of passion silk", so what I would do is remove the word of inbetween sent and love's. Otherwise you can try to rework the stanza all together.
    Secondly, "it's beat still continues" there should be no 's' on continue.
    And, lastly, the word 'tis "deeply in love tis I..." seems kinda awkward in this poem since it's more of an old english word, and you aren't writing in that manner. I would change it to 'til or until.
    A good write though. Good luck in the contest.


  • Bull3t2b1n0ry
    April 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very good thank you for entering my contes


  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    March 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is quite lovely, and definitely a different look at that picture. Aside from the fact that line 25 should read, 'deeply in love am I', I couldn't really find any fault here. Very sensual and creative... Well done, and good luck!

    Laura xxx


  • Erika Elektrikka
    March 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this piece. I love the flow of the words, they really enhance the poem.

    Good Luck,
    Erika


  • BloodCrusted
    March 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Awww!
    I really like the repetition.

    Nicely done, and good luck!


  • Georgia La Mariposa
    January 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is a great poem yeah would love an aunt, what is your AP name please?


  • Pain Angel
    November 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    awwww!!!!!!!!!


  • poetryality silver member
    September 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Ah...such sweet metaphors and sensuality. This poem rolls off the tounge my friend and is certainly deserving of the merit received.

    Congratulations on winning the Bronze Cup. Very nicely penned.


    Much Love ♥

    Renee


  • Namita
    September 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Delightful beauty! Sensuality in its beauty,. Thank you,.

    Luv,
    ~Candy

  • Liquid memories
    September 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    delightful and filld with love but youend this, don`t kiss me please, as i was thinking, kiss me please? what do i know, a delight to read and enjoyable.

1 - 11 of 11