The smiling girl walks in
She's dying to be thin
She's just so god damn pretty, too bad she has to act it
She smiles and says "I'm better than you"
She's a sweetheart, but she gives no clue
After dinner she's in the bathroom
Soon she'll be in her pretty pink tomb
She walks out with a smile
For all of us she has beguiled
She knows she's a pretty thing
She smiled and you neck she wrings
Author notes
Suuuuuppppeeer crapppy. lmfao. oh well.
A contest entry
- [checkered skies of black&&white].... by Aquamarine..
400 points, ended October 2, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I think this si sa great poem. Powerful and compashinete, simply wonderful. Iu love the "Soon she'll be in her pretty pink tomb"
pat! ~wuv wuv yah sweet thang!
*peace*
Cassie the Cast Iron Shore
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epp
Panic!at the disco!
woooot
hehe
aww this is awesome babbyface
utterly awesome.
ily more than second hand smoke
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This was good. It’s quite powerful. I usually dislike girls like that (the ones that are conceited and thinking they’re better than everyone else, thinking they’re so lovely, etc.) but your poem makes me feel sorry for the girls living in the clouds of vanity. It’s like they’re living their lives in a pretend world. Although, I’m not completely fond of the repetition of she/she's, it makes seem like a list of her traits, however, it does work well for this piece. I think there’s a few typos. In the title, I think I'n should be I'm, also in the last line, “She smiled and you neck she wrings” I think it should read: She smiled and your neck she wrings. This nicely written. I liked the phrase: “pretty pink tomb.” That was creative. Best of luck in the contest.
- Andi
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