I am lost beyond recall,
throughout the ages I have despaired,
after my death due to an untimely fall,
yet now I am here because someone dared,
to delve into the unknown,
and thus take their final journey alone.
Here I am again you see,
a unknown being within life,
something more then I was once thought to be,
the end and the beginning of all strife,
Thus I riddle you a thought on which to dwell,
am I of heaven...or of hell?
A contest entry
- Prewrite Craze Contest by BlackSwan.
550 points, ended June 29, 2008, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhymed prewrites only ... by ecrivain01.
750 points, ended November 14, 2008, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites! by movedon.
1750 points, ended May 8, 370 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
-
I'm not sure that I get it. There's a verse that's missing in the middle that more fully explains in greater detail who brought the fallen apparition back to some quasi-state of life and why. As to the final question, from heaven or hell... perhaps we're safest opting for option 3... from earth!
-
Brilliant write, I liked the thoughtfulness of it all.
interesting perspectives and imagery.
-GL in contest -
Sounds like death speaking, That unknown that we rarely speak about, of course it could be brought a little deeper and be thought of as Satan, but whatever, it's that unknown thread in life, they cloudy, mystical something.
-
Excellent write. Well written with a great ending.
-
very interesting piece, made me think quite a bit! really enjoyed it. The use of words in this piece is excellent and the delivery is also great. Thanks for an enjoyable read
-
wow
great contents
great wording
actally quite uplifting
though the beginning sounds like start of a lamentation
-
Interesting
But how do you know the journey is taken alone?
Only of earth we are, that to which we return. We'd know, at the appointed time, when we become children of heaven or hell. -
Interesting. I like how it is written from a post-mortem perspective. Good use of vocabulary, and good flow. Thank you for featuring this write.
-
hmmm very interesting I like it
-
need i say that i loved it!
-
and arn't we always ...
"... Thus I riddle you a thought on which to dwell,
am I of heaven...or of hell?...."
and arn't we always ... both. The sentients feel so strongly they are convinced it is reality, when it is but an interpretation.... -
I know that I feel that we will all go to heaven because we are already in the processes of hell. I feel tha tI am from the hell portion of this life. I like the poem it really makes you think ...Good Job
-
Superb
That entirely depends on your thought processes. Just choose carefully! (LOL) Very well written indeed. Imagery, rhythm and rhyme were just fine.
-
Creative way your mind thinks - interesting thoughts here - heaven or hell, not sure?
-
a good piece, some darker imagery here so at first on would assume hell was where you were but the universe is a tricky little thing, perhaps what we class as heaven or hell are but one and the same thing, just a different shadow that streaks across time and space.
-
This piece is very thoughtprovoking, and the thoughts you portray are far from the usual innocent ones. Heaven or hell? The way you do it make it sound like it comes from a fairy tale, even though the question is so dark and epic. That's very smart. Good job!
-
excellent poem This question is very thought provoking
Thus I riddle you a thought on which to dwell,
am I of heaven...or of hell?
Great job with the poem good luck in the contest -
well this was quite unique ryhming going on here but you did a great job with it!
well you asked if you from heaven or hell it depends on if your immortal or not because if you are then the person would be from hell.
thank you for entering and good luck in the contest! -
If I'm to be honest, the spelling and grammatical errors in this piece were a bit distracting. The flow was also a bit sketchy. However, I like the content and I think the rhyme scheme is fantastic. I think that the problems with this poem are common and could be fixed with a bit of revision.
Keep Quilling,
-Whiskey -
hmm this really makes u think ...
i like it
reminds me ... death is like a path we all must take, a beginning of a new adventure
good stuff
haha we should start publishing our own books
Adding your comment:
1 - 20 of 20
