There was the Holy Spirit
Espying sweet and tender Mary
For to decide how to inform her
That she would bear God's child
How to get her to lift her skirts
How to get her to drop her drawers
Maybe some wine, a little opiate in her water
And He could uncover those fluffy young Jewish breasts
Splash hot bloated Holy seed against tight virgin walls
Mucus, saliva, whispered serenade
Perfect cover, I am His Word!
How could she not believe
And not open those ebon legs?
Sprightly and stringy firm, smooth and innocent
And His ivory staff was ready to deliver the good message
Upon delicious Mary
There, behind her house
And the world was saved.
Author notes
Written September 29th, 2003
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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I have no...
....issues with the content, but being a freeversehater extraordinaire, hereby apologise for clicking ; sorry but I can't critique blank verse, I just think it's so simple to write that it's not worth the effort.
Have 3 bananas as slight recompense for loss of points.
Regards,
Robin.
PS Perhaps one should put "free verse" in the title so plonkers like me don't waste your points.
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Interesting write.... an quite humorous. Just a thought... but possibly remove the words "hot" and "virgin" from the 9th line. The line sputters slightly.... and of course, most virgin walls would be tight. No need to tell us that... LOLLLLLL
"there, behind her house, the world was saved".... great and funny line... almost modernizes the situation without going over the top.
This fits perfect into your "weird-ass humor" list.
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I put 'virgin' in there to stress the 'Virgin Mother'/'immaculate conception' motif. Plus, using both qualifiers made it sound (in my mind, at least) more coarse, more immediate, more... fleshly, perhaps?
But I appreciate your suggestions, regardless.
- Giovanni -
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Got it. It works. I was just thinking out loud, Neat write.
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its not untill you experience worly things that you can get a glimpse into what life is really like, this poem makes me feel distraught about ppl in general, like i do sometimes when i see that no one is perfect, ever, and there is no way to know what is real untill you die and see for yourself. I am sorry I couldn't say anything helpfull about this poem, it just made me so pessimistic, but also I feel is going to drive me to be more spiritual I think.
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Ha ha...very much humorous...
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Ooooh, bad Giovanni! I think someone is in need of a spanking!
This piece made me laugh--immensely. Whoever (else) would've thought to taking an erotic approach to answer the question of how Jesus got here? Indeed my friend, your sense of humor is wacky and caught out in the middle of nowhere...but it's also what makes you stand out amongst a throng of nobodies like myself. I almost merged this story with the one about the birth of Perseus. Hmmm... how mysterious a piece you have...
I thought I was naughty, but you have me beaten by a longshit! ....err, shot!
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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*shrug*
Honestly, this wasn't funny at all. And besides the lack of humor, there is the part where you imply that God needed to drug Mary in order for her to accept Him; does that not imply rape? Isn't that heresy? =) I don't really care. I didn't like the poem and I felt it necessary to give my opinion since there were no negative critiques. -
Oh goodness...I'm so never going to be able to focus ever again when I'm forced to go to church. The second stanza made my eyes almost pop of of my head...it's awesome. My grandmother would have a heart attack and die if she read this. I love it, it's a funny way to think of things. I like your humor. Nice job.
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there are those who believe quite strongly in the physical interaction between god and mary as opposed to the "immaculate conception" - it's a thought that's been around in one form or another in small circles. the way you've rendered the concept is stirring and gives it an even more earthly light than usually asserted. adds somewhat of a "dirty" feel to it. i like it very much.
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when i started the second stanza, i went "huh?" and reread the first to make sure i knew what the heck was going on. this is so clever, so funny, and i really enjoyed it. great job. thanks for sharing it.
take care -
Naughty, Naughty, Naughty is all I have to say about this piece.
Yvonne
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Disturbing...freeing
Hmmmm...you think you're open minded and then along comes this slightly different poem and you start bristling with all that inbred, inculcated catholicism....the don't look, don't think, just do as I say strictures that you thought yourself no longer bound by were just imperceptible because you weren't struggling against their bonds. Thanks for helping me slice through a few more of the choking shackles and free my mind a bit more. Can't say it didn't hurt a bit...but, worth it in the end, I think.
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More then likely a somewhat true , even if humorous tongue in cheek look at " the immaculate conception " I always wondered if Joseph duelled with the " Holy Spirit " Having been raised strictly catholic , the portrayal of the birth of Jesus Christ had me doubting as soon as I was able to think for myself . According to the bible lust was in full bloom during biblical times , so this sounds a lot more plausible , if any of it is true " go forth and multiply "
On another note , your ebonics be needing some help if you be aksing me
Reenie
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Nice Retelling of God\'s Verdict to Mary!
Wow, that was deep of a relation between sex with the Virgin Mary, making her The Mary Mother of God in a new light. But I get the background understand of it .. That was real good. Oh jeez that was good...
~scott -
What a sense of humor and innovative way of seeing things. Not many take a second (third or fourth) look at the things God does. I know I am constantly seeing things in a new way, asking myself "is this really right?", then seeing if something else fits better. I do wonder how many others have dared thought of this subject as you have...?
Mandrake
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Too Bold.
See, Different from my usual taste.
Eventhen I could enjoy it thoroughly.
All well wishes.
~shaitus. -
What an interesting way to view the birth of Christ! I ejoyed this simply because it offered a completely different, and rather unholy, perspective on a situation that most deem to be a miracle. I'm curious, though, about the title. Did you get it from the new comdey routine Robin Williams performed? I was just wondering because he uses the word 'immaculate' in a satirical manner when talking about the birth of Christ.
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mmm~
And I thought I had an open mind~
I never looked at it in this way~
I loved it~
What an imagination you have~
A very vivid write~
And I loved the humor~
A great write~
~Smile~Emma -
rant-worthy
i also found it very, very amusing. i never thought of it in this way, before i lost my religion like an old coat that's served its purpose. to all the bible thumpers who shouted all the yadda yadda about the world being saved and all: give it a rest! loosen up a little, you could see things totally differently. "world would not have been saved" my ass. it's just a point of view people!!! in case you haven't noticed, yours isn't the only in the world. GET OVER IT
sorry... ranting again
awesome poem anyway -
I liked this look at religion and the conception of christ. Being the sick mind that I am... I found it quite amusing.
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Simply magnificent... An interesting point of view about Conception, I love the way the words were put to show exactly that miracle.
You really impressed me. -
well, i thought it's something that too deep relegious thing here.... but i was wrong when i read the whole packaging of this poem really made me smile after all thanks God for giving you talent to write an owesome job! exellent write!
I agreed to nike if others put this one into an image of lust covered in relegious thing i guess it could happen and the worst will reside and world would not been save only lust will be existed. -
I found this very disturbing. The images of lust interlaced with religious images left me shaking my head. If they is how someone thinks it may have happened, the world would not have been saved, only lust would have been sated.
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It Sucks! Don\'t Read!
"Drawers" was what I was going for, but I wanted to spell it kinda Ebonics-like, like most people today would pronounce it. I can see that that failed miserably, so I'll change it. Thanks!
- El Gio
Edited on Aug 02, 11:55 because ''. -
I'm not sure if you were going for "drawers" (drôrz) instead of draws, I think you were. Other then that, this was an over all great poem. I was excited by the subject matter, and the allusion of the title to the catholic invented Immaculate Conception. I think Mary's... grant from god, of immunity from original sin should have been touch on a bit more, as to her... reward for bearing his child... or him, or his holy spirit, however you look at it.
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Well sir, i didn't want to clik and not leave a comment and waste your points, but I must say I have never even thought of it in this way, and you can't make me! lol
I am also glad that my God has a far reaching sense of humor afterall He made man...
Very vivid, and written like a poet!
Renee
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