watching the moon
climb over
my gate
its rusty hinges
silent again
Andrew Hide
23-09-2007
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Very nice tanka there andrew good images
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That is how the moon looked yetsreday, only there was no gate, but silent trees
Lovely!
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you have created a really nice sound here and retained the silence ... nice .. it would have a very different feel to it without 'again' ...
i wonder about 'my' gate vs 'the' gate ... it makes me think of your rusty hinges ... ...i like it for the emotional element i get from that ...
and i suppose 'my' allows us to experience the awe of the moon which we may not get if it was 'the' gate ...
(is this one of your rewrites? i seem to remember it - or a variation which i cant remember now ... )
so vey nicely done >>> Gina -
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Thankyou Gina,
This is a new one (3AM special) but the image of silent gate hinges have been utilised before in an earlier sedoka.
Andrew
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I think 'it's' should be 'its'. This was a good descriptive poem which was simple yet worked well.
Thanks for your comment and advice. It was for a contest that required syllable count so I changed 'like' to 'as' which I think made slightly more of a metaphor/less of a simile.
Pozo
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Ah Andrew!
You are one of my FAVOURITE tanka and haiku writers. SUCH PERFECTION here! I simply adored the texturedness of this poem ... And the timeless element in contrast with decay. And: with night approaching, all people (and gates!
) go into silent and motionless adoration of beautiful moon, in its feather light ascending. 
Love
Myra
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