Teach me your prayers to hold as my own,
to walk by your side
straight and proud,
my step equal to yours,
my face serene,
eyes
full of birds in flight
because my heart
is devoted to you
and my soul is full of light.
Paint my lips with your soft touch
to sing for you,
share with me your sorrows,
your joys,
yesterday,
today and all tomorrows.
Teach me your prayers to hold as my own,
allow my roots to grow,
I will join in your fast
to feed the tree of life and forgiveness
with the joy of God's acceptance.
Author notes
POW
Theme: All aspects of love, romance and communion
In a list
A contest entry
- The POW by Arkbear.
500 points, ended September 24, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Picture Prompt Inspired. by Poetryintheblood.
500 points, ended November 4, 2007, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Help me write my wedding vows by Yellow-Rose.
600 points, ended February 9, 2008, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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This is a really beautiful poem. It definately has the gentle touch that I was hoping for. Thanks so much for entering my contest, Cathy
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Thank you for your beautiful entry, Josephine
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Outstanding
This poem has a light tone and great imagery. You create a gentle, uplifting poem that is full of imagination. This poem is great to read and shows your distinctive style at its best.
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Thank you dear friend. I never was thinking of my own style. When I was writing I was not thinking but breathing my poetry to the paper. To leave the trace in the sand of time always was the most precious gift what readers could give to the poet.
Even when traces are only in their hearts.
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Title - The title was just okay for me. You tied it in immediately, but it was a bit simplistic and probably not the best choice for this write. 8/10
Appearance - Very elegant. Enjoyed the color scheme and the sidebar image. Scan was a bit awkward in a couple of spots, but nothing too bad here. 8.5/10
First Impression - I enjoyed this the first time through. I read it a couple of times and it got better the second time through. First impression was it was better than average. 8/10
Rule Adherence - I found no rule violations. 10/10
Rhythm - Rhythm was okay... but not great. I felt it broke up in a few spots due to line spacing and/or punctuation. Not sure there's a hardline fix there, but I would change it a bit. 8/10
Imagery - Imagery was good... I would have liked to have seen a bit more metaphor or descriptive writing in the piece to really enhance it. 8/10
Originality - The first piece was good, a bit cliche in parts... I really enjoyed the last section and found it to be very beautiful and more original. 8/10
Spelling/Word Usage - I found no spelling errors. 10/10
Grammar - I found no grammatical errors. 10/10
Ease of Understanding - Very easy to understand... you clearly conveyed your thoughts. 10/10
Final Score - 88.5/100 -
Aww ~
A splendid entry ~
I loved everything from the Presentation to the Theme ~
...of course....there were some parts which I personally found to be a bit distracting....but it really didn't take away from the beauty of this write ~
Title....almost Cliche'...yet befitting at the same time ~
The first stanza could have been broken up....to give the Readers a chance to absorb everything you were trying to convey ~
...but not too bad ~
I felt a few of your commas should have been periods....yet most of us do not read alike....so it is only a personal opinion of mine ~
You did well this week Poet!
The best of luck to you ~
Bear ~
Title 9.6
Flow 8.8
Depth 9.8
Theme 9.3
Feelings 9.5
Grammar 9.5
Presentation 9.9
Uncommonness 9.4
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.3
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 95.1
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I really loved the theme of your poem and the soothing thoughts within. I found the use of so many commas distracting though, and really upsetting to the flow of the poem. If this were written in prose, most of those commas would be needed. But in poetry, a line break also serves as a place where your reader will automatically pause even without any punctuation, so you really have to pick and choose where they are truly needed. The uneven line lengths also hurt the flow in some places, although I liked the way you separated the word “eyes” in one line to give emphasis to it. The title wasn’t at all impressive to me, but it does relate to the poem. There is some interesting and effective imagery mixed with thought, which I really enjoyed, and I can truly relate to this poem and found it easy to understand. I especially loved the all-encompassing nature of love the way you’ve written about it, giving it a very spiritual feel without necessarily being “religious“.
Thanks so much for your entry and good luck to you.
Best wishes,
~J.
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superb
this is the light of grace that should be sung at your wedding.
love does not get any better than this...
my hat off to you dear one
Tamara
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Thank you dear friend. I appreciate your idea with smile
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This indeed reads like a prayer..the sacredness of love given and received, the glasping of hands in prayer and the holding of hands together. Lovely, gentle and romantic poem that makes the eyes sooo soft. A wonderful weave of depth, spirituality and endless love here.. beautiful.
~ Nicolette
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Thank you dear Nicolette. This is the only way I can see and feel love. I can't help to myself not to act this way.
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Very romantic very spiritual. both aspects matched great together veryvery sweet. i think ill add it to my faves. sry i dont type properly, i just put on nail polish^^
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<..> Thank you, I appreciate your visit and your comment very much.
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Beautiful job Sonya!
Nice job again. Inspirational and quite romantic! I enjoyed the message conveyed in this. THANKS!!
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Thank you very much for your nice comment and applause.
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