When daylight turns to twilight
And the sun turns a fiery red
I turn round and trace a path
To our loving home and bed.
When the twilight turns to starlight
And the moon is overhead
Then we will lie down together
Where loving words are said.
When the moon lights up the sky
And stars twinkle up above
We will kiss, caress and cuddle
And in our nest, make love.
When the night is at its darkest
And we lie together sated
Then we will know our love is true
And our lives together fated.
When the moon and stars do fade
Near to the break of day
Then we will snuggle up and sleep
Until the morning grey.
When the moonlight turns to daylight
And the sun rises in the east
I'll kiss you my love on your full lips
Savouring the taste as I would a feast.
When the sun is high above
No clouds to spoil the view
I'll head to work where I will spend
My day dreaming of you.
When daylight turns to twilight
As the sun sinks in the west
Then I will hurry home to you
To your warm and loving breast.
In a list
A contest entry
- For Poets With 3 Trophys Or Less- Prewrites Allowed by Mercury Rising.
450 points, ended October 11, 2007, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Suprise me.. by PoeticallyTintedSml.
615 points, ended November 24, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Random picture inspired contest #2 by Tylers Baby.
600 points, ended January 30, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lovey Dovey by only1love4ever.
440 points, ended January 31, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prove Me Wrong: Make Me Believe in It Again~A Dare with Big points!~ by Hetha.
1500 points, ended March 7, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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It's so beautiful, this love you feel for this woman. I'm sure she loved it too. It shows an endurance and sweetness, in its' exploration of all the things you do together. Lovely piece, thank you for entering it and good luck.
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Heaven of a poem!
I would have framed this poem and wore around my neck,
for every wife to see and die of envy!
That poem was beauty to enjoy!
well done! well done!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen/Seattle.
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this is amazing, I could feel the love you feel for her within this piece. now if only I could get my man to write such wonderful words for me. I would wish you luck but it seem the contest ended earlier. so congrats...wonderful job
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Heart warming
A light shedded on a tear drop, a crimson hallowed out heart, a cheek bone, a needy start, and here we were all thinking, deep deep down inside, where does love come from, surely not from thy heart, but here you have brought to us, fortunes so true, a passionate kiss, a lover's words, a friendships view, a sinners fate, and a hatreds temptation, a few good words from the heart, a phrase not to tear us apart, a love so to speak of thats great and true, of memories, of moments to reseal, and here we all were thinking, not of this could be real, but love isnt all what life makes it out to be, it is so much more, and thoughts could never make, these fantasys fake, these words we debate, ever more true, for here you have taken, a word and have woven, a fine line between possiblity and love, and you have wrapped it in warmpth, stapled it in greatness, sent it in only the best of good wishes, held it was such fascination, taken time to reveal its mission, and revealed its opportunities, and laid them here to be seen, to be read time and time again, and spoken, of great love and true love. This is a wonderful poem and it is so happy and filled with only the greatest memories and thoughts, the best to contemplate over anyways.... Thank you so much for entering and best of luck to you!!
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The poem starts out beautifully. You can definetaly get a sense of the time and atmosphere. You can tell the poem will be happy, and not contain a depressing end. The rhyme really works too, its not forced. You establish a pattern in the first few stanzas which really makes it flow along. However, in your second to last stanza, the pattern sort of...flows differently. The second to last stanza is short and a little choppy...but that might just be me. The same goes for the last stanza, which may not be as short, but is shorter than others. Now, if that's all I can find to pick at - wow! This was a wonderful poem.I can tell the narrator of the poem really loves who they are talking about, and that person probably loves them. The last stanza is warm and concluding, and doesn't leave the poem open-ended and seeming to, well, go off into nothing so we feel like we have to guess whats happened and why the poem's stopped. Lovely metaphors, too. I also enjoy the act you go through the cycles of the sun and moon. Really adds to the illusion. All in all, great poem!
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WOW! Congrats on that silver trophy this was just amazing... something very strange... when I read the title I thought of a Lord of the Rings for some reason, nothing in particular... but then in the last stanza:
"When daylight turns to twilight
As the sun sinks in the west"
That totally reminded me of a song called Into the West which is a song from that movie... and I LOVE IT! Did you by any chance get your inspiration from that?? Anyway, this was so warm and affectionate. Your love for this person is deeply and clearly expressed. Well done. Good luck in the contest. -
very sweet and emotional. This poem is full of really great imagery and it travels through the heart just like the sun travels across the sky. Well done and great use of rhyme. The flow did not feel awkward or forced at all, you did very well in this. A lot of people cannot do this. The first stanza really catches the reader right off.
"When daylight turns to twilight
And the sun turns a fiery red
I turn round and trace a path
To our loving home and bed."
If that isn't the most romantic and moving first stanza in a love poem... I don't know what is.
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this was beautiful
i love it good luck ♥ -
Avery, You write with such loving feelings and sweetness as you write about your sweet wife. It is such a pleasure to read your poetry. The rhyme and flow of this poem is perfect. Thank you for sharing with me. You tske care. Blessings to you both. Sandfy
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I think this is beautifully written! A fine sharing it is! Congratulations on the silver trophy; much deserved
All the best in your writing endeavors!
~Heavenly Angel~ -
wow... this is amazing... i wish you luck in my contest!
~WindOfOne -
A very romantic, and lovely lyrical poem that was a delight to read. Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering this wonderful poem.
Mercury Rising
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