When it comes to the death of a friend
my sad broken heart will never mend
not talking to her everyday
her not being there to say “Its okay”
without her I don’t know where I would be
but she is gone so now its just me
I still remember everything
like all those time we would laugh and sing
how we wore the same size shoe
to how her favorite color was blue
in my heart she will always stay
even past my dieing day
then ill get to see her again
oh how much I miss my best friend
A contest entry
- An AP WAR!! by twilight seduction.
750 points, ended October 17, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Put Yourself In My Shoes by semperfichic.
950 points, ended January 26, 2008, 4 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - loosing a loved one by karas.
400 points, ended November 25, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Their Really Gone (Grieving Process) by FallenFromGrace1102.
900 points, ended February 4, 75 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I think this deserved the gold trophy in that contest. It's a beautiful write very heartfelt. It sounds like something I would write if I were to lose my best friend. great job. keep up the good work.
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beautiful heartfelt write. i know what it's like to lose a friend. i've lost many and i know their souls are at peace. I wish you luck in my contest and thank you for entering this piece. stay strong.
*~*bee*~* -
Very nice, very very nice poem :-). I am sorry for your loss, and I hope that your doing well now!
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this is a very heart felt poem. I can kinda relate to you b/c my best friend moved but i still talk to her. i hope you feel better.
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I'm sorry for your loss. I've lost two of my own friends, both hit by drunk drivers. This is well written and very heartfelt.
-Ryan
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Amazing..
Size 7- 7.5 shoe
Great poem!
I love you!
Kaitlyn
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username: Zannah Topic: the death of a friend
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*sigh* I would have preferred it in the author's notes.
I have edited my reply, and this is now judged.
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Judged
I will comment on what I think is good, then on what I think can be improved.
GOOD: I like the comparisons between you and your friend, citing similarities and telling us more about her life. Couplets were a good idea with this; it kept my attention. Couplets also imprped your flow, much better than a normal four line stanza. Your rhyming was nice; it kept a good flow going.
IPROVEMENT: Spell check. It is your friend, I promise. Also, take another look at your punctuation. I only mention these things becasue I find it distracting from your overall poem if I can look at it right away and there's mistakes. Your first and last couplet are like the same thing, almost. Shake it up a little, Zannah. Break my heart at the start of your poem and piece it back together at the finish! Watch your syllable number in couplets when you rhyme; an irreglar syullable count can destroy your poem's rhythm and flow. YOu do all right in that, but one or two lines are hazy.
~ts~
PS Please try not to be angry. I am not trying to bash you or anything. I am just trying to be a fair judge. -
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im most defenataly not anrgy. im really sorry about spelling errors i cant spell . well i hope you have a great time and read some amazing poems. =)
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