.
I reach to cuddle your soft warm body but it isn’t there,
agony fills my chest without the smell of your soft hair,
again I see sad parting tears flowing down your cheek,
and wonder how I’ll survive until you return next week,
for pains of separation render my heart cold and bleak.
.
A contest entry
- Missing / Longing in 5 lines! by Beating.
600 points, ended October 8, 2007, 34 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites Mania by Celticmoon.
450 points, ended March 30, 2008, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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The rhyming really puts this poem in its place as far as impressing me somewhat goes. Keep penning
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The fewer the words, the more concentrated the feeling- and here you've expressed the longing and emptiness of being apart powerfully, in very few lines. I know this agony- and that week can feel like a year.
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Very Touching
This is a deeply felt poem. You say a lot through the few well chosen words. I guess you can be proud of this one, as it makes the readers identify and feel with you. Glad to see a trophy shining by its side. Congrats!
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Short and simple but it showed a lot of how you feel. Wonderful.
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I loved this..
The agony in your chest is something I feel each day. Your poem reaches out to me and makes me aware of the fact that you are focused on the future by looking forward to her return.
Wish I could award more than 3 stars...
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wow. so smooth and so... sensual. It just flows so well, and the rhyming is perfect. The ending kind of bothers me - not what you wrote, but it just doesn't feel like it really ended. But I guess that's hard to do in only 5 lines. Other than that, I love this piece! Good job!
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This is so smoooth...
You have made the agony of missing someone so beautiful. And it is readily apparent that the bond of love is both strong and mutual. It took my breath away and filled me with such a longing for the same. Thank you, Ithica
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wow thats a deep poem i must say i like it a lot
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Very Deep and emotional. I loved it. I could feel the longing and wanting and how badly you miss them. Beautiful use of words. It all flows together smoothly and makes it into an overall wonderful piece. Keep up the good work.
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i like this very much, good work, very emotive.
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wow
great work this is totally....ok i don't know how to explain it...i just loved it...don't know why but it just brought this feeling out of me...i don't know...great work -
beautiful
i like your use of words, its vivid and very expressive
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But she will return, so it has a happy ending,I liked it all the more for that.
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That first line...a killer...and then the second...another stab...then on to the third line...I can't take it...beautifully imaged yearning and pain filled piece...a trophy deserving write, my friend...peace, Rhonda
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Wow. Very good poem :] I loved it. The words in this poem were absolutely just incredible, and the point on this poem was very clear. Ahmazing piece here. Good luck in that contest you entered!
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Hmmm. This is short and sweet.
But I loved it.
It has meaning to it.
And thats special.
It had vivid words.
And very strong words.
This is a great write.
Keep it up.
Much love to ya,
Kelso!
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lovely
very lovely write bazza love to read your work
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Oh how I can relate to those feelings! You did a great job on this one my friend. I think everyone can relate to this in one way or another....
Best of luck to you in this contest!
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Touching
This was very emotional, and described the heartache of missing someone very well. I like the reference to missing someone physically, you penned the yearning well.Good Luck!
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heartfelt...
Plenty of missing and longing displayed there my friend! Well done! Good luck in the contest!
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A short but heartfelt piece my friend.
It's so difficult to go on when your heart
is incomplete. I do hope that this special
person comes back to you soon! All the best
to you with this one in the contest! Thanks
for sharing it here.
Jeremy0826 -
aw this is so sad! I love it tho! you did a wonderful job writing it! This deserves the gold! I love the color scheme you chose... (black and gold are my school colors... so yeah. lol) again, great work! keep it up! good luck in the contest!
Crimson
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It sounds like you really miss them, i really like it
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Beautiful
A wonderful write. Good luck int the contest! -
This is truely beautiful,today this poem has a deep meaning for me,I guess that is why I read it.
Well done,there are very few poems out there that gets me this emotional.I suppose I should thank you for that, so thank you for making me feel.
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Awww. So very sweet. Missing the scent of her, the feel of her, thankfully it is for just one week. Very well done. Good luck in the contest.
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aww
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This is very nice, the torment seems like it is forever, but thankfully it's just a week. Good write, good luck in the contest.
♥
whisper
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