feeling your heartbeat through your shirt,
your arms around my waist,
kisses on my neck,
I open my eyes
and the longing is more than I can stand
A contest entry
- Missing / Longing in 5 lines! by Beating.
600 points, ended October 8, 2007, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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oh this one tugged myheart strings. This indeed was a beauty of apiece.
Best wishes in this contest.
Tory -
I read this twice, and actually got a different feeling out of it from each read. It's hard. When you're away from a person you can feel closer than ever, even though you're so far apart. I love how you got that out. Beautiful!
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I too have had moments in the past when I could feel these things about another. The ache is almost unbearable. You did a great job of expressing something so universal.
♥ Touchof1der -
You have helped us to have a peek into a lovers longing, very vivid.
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Definitely a hot yearning...felt this one...Good luck in the contest...Peace, Rhonda
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Very good expression of how it feels to miss the one you love!!!!!! I really enjoyed reading this piece of work!
Thanks for sharing and good luck! -
very well described good luck!
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Very good. I thought at first you were both there but then I applied the title. You probably wouldn't miss him if he were there. VERY good.
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I like what you've done in this poem. First you made me believe that the two people were actually together but then the surprise came in the last two lines when i realised the persona was all alone and only dreaming of what could be. What's more beautiful is that you've done it in so few lines. Very, very well done
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Very good
This is like a sad dream.. the way your poem flows is very good then you upset the apple cart so to speak by letting the reader know that it is all in the imagination of the writer..I open my eyes and the longing is more than I can stand..love the last line.. good luck in the contest...
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