I'm longing for your love today,
Crying tears on my pillow, sad in every way.
Determined to feel this pain until you come back to me.
I long to hear your voice, "Oh" can't you understand? Can't you see? You belong to me.
A contest entry
- Prewrite me! ~~ One day only ~~ 500 points to Gold, will be judged tomorrow. by Naridill.
625 points, ended September 28, 2007, 145 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Missing / Longing in 5 lines! by Beating.
600 points, ended October 8, 2007, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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this was indeed well penned. lvoed it from title to the last line. great job and best of luck toy ou in this contest
Tory -
Wow. You actually managed to put down the emotion in only 4 lines. That's so amazing!
I love how you used the title, and the way you went from the first line and just made it sadder and sadder. The ending line just leaves the reader with "awwww" -
I love the fourth line it's a really good poem
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Great
Great job, well done and good luck! -
I think this is a good poem, but to me the rhyme feels a little forced, takes away from the importance of the message. The ending I don't understand your punctuation. You long to hear them say "oh"? I do like the questions though, I write the same way, asking questions. Good luck in the contest.
♥
whisper
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this is very sweet. I think short poems bring out the best sometimes. Yours certainly does as there is much emotion in your few words. Good luck in the contest.
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Short and Sweet
This is good...love the line I long to hear your voice,
"Oh" can't you understand? Can't you see?.. You belong to me... The conversation you are having with your lost loved one makes it very personal.. love that touch..good luck in the contest..
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