Drought was my nickname
you may call me Moonbeam now.
This is what my “innervoice” calls me.
I lived my life, around, over and under men,
searching for a fix to my leaky soul.
It was one regular day I woke up
throat clenched tight, heart beating endlessly
I decided to end this worthless life.
A vision of my granmama.
seeds planted every year,
made me smile, feel at peace inside my soul.
Sweat on her brow, knees proudly bent down.
Digging up each buried rock, stubborn rut.
Cussing and asking god quite openly to curse
any dirt demon she could find.
Neighbors use to laugh, shake their heads at such a sight.
This garden had determination to challenge
her with blackberry vines, aphid bugs of all kinds.
She slyly buried half filled beer cans into fresh dirt,
saying in disgust,
“even slugs can’t resist a good cold beer in this hot sun,
just like most of your men!"
I stole myself to a quiet place, the sea, alone.
I begun a plan to end my worthless life.
A small innervoice spoke quietly to my mind,
"Listen carefully my child,
is it time for you to leave, toxic is your life, in that we can agree.
Each night you reach up to the moon and stars
asking for release,
fill yourself with some odd sense of peace.
Today it is up to you to be the Moonbeam you truly are and will always be.
Plant Your life with all the journeys, truths, you have learned,
including the tears and grief.
You are a gardener’s soul, your harvest will yield powerful reap.
The time has come, name each seed.
Just like weeds, voices of well meaning friends,
tell you to “wait” to “procrastinate,” to "ride this one out."
Honestly, humbley say, “it’s time for you to get out of my way."
Breakthrough sour ground,
no longer will you serve the Garden of Breakdown.
I began to Till My Life, break the dirt, starting with small things.
Oscar called,tempting me, his smooth pleasing deep low voice,
I simply replied “take your bone to another dog!"
hung up nervously, hands a little trembley, I did it!,
I actually have the nerve!"
The bars whose music and fresh liquor scents reached out ,
inviting me to dance.
I smiled inside, heard myself laugh.
I am finally “Free”
I will not live my life rebounding endlessly.
I replaced my “Fuck it” philosophy, with “What I believe…..” philosophy.
My planting Seeds,I name them now.
A list of seeds, my “I believes” that I sow, fertilize and realize.
I Believe…….. that “All” my heartaches, tears and grief,
hurt and injuries, now bend down to my knees,
I am no longer bound to these.
I can dig out, toss out, or even use as blessings.
I will share my harvest with others to fill their empty hearts and belly’s.
I Believe……that I thirst for life not serving weeds in Gardens of Breakdown.
The emptiness always caused me to be so needy.
I Believe…….that it is my BREAK-THRU’s that give me a future I can believe.
I Believe……that my arrogance, my pride, is a powerful hoe and shovel
to dig up whatever obstacles I may find.
I Believe……that I can be humble enough to say, “could you help me please”
seek like a desperate thief answers I need.
I Believe....in You......
your seasonal life journey’s to find peaceful happiness.
You believe in unanswered prayers,
I Believe……..This Journey Is the Answer to your prayers.
May you hear, find courage, to listen to your deep innervoice.
Recognize, realize, and fertilize it each day.
Plant and name your seeds so you may reap on harvest day.
Finally,
I Believe……..I am not alone, there are many in this garden,
toiling hard like me.
Whose ears need to hear, through our written words,
“I’ve been there too, let me share with you,
my heartache,tears,arrogance and pride.
You are not alone, I am hear with you this day.”
Moonbeam blessings I send to you.
I remind you now, put beer in your gardens, slugs can't resist them,
it will protect your seeds n writings.
Reap a fulfilling harvest, lavishly dine,
in all that you have planted,
patiently waited for in due time.
Love,
Kathleen
Just one of the many Moonbeams here on allpoetry.com
Gold trophy winner
Adding your comment:
It was so emotional getting to know you through this piece. You are an amazing person and a passionate writer... Thank you for this read.
. I’ve read a lot about the animus awakening of a woman … but never really seen it written about like this before ... in a testimony. Maybe I’ve seen it, but never clearly enough to identify it. I’m profoundly impacted by the way you connected with and exposed your ‘self’ here. Thanks again. Love, Sultan.
