i did not come to conquer
scenic windswept heights
though i crested a lesser peak
for the long storied view
nor old growth columns of fir
red cedar and ponderosa
though i trod their vaulted halls
like an unseen ghost
nor the proud pronged buck
the hidden mountain lion
or the rippling pelt of a bear
though i watched them pass before me
nor ancient carved out channels
booming the chant of lightning waters
though i felt on my neck the breath
of their phantom currents
nor uncontained fires burning
above and beneath the earth
though i inhaled a faint sting of ash
and studied smoke-filled valleys
nor even trails half reclaimed
by rock slides scrub oak and sapling pines
strewn over with broad dead timbers
though i followed where they led
i did not even come to conquer
the death still pits of my fears
though i stood at the precipice
and pondered their hollow depths
nor pure artesian sorrows
pressed deep in the layered folds
of a half forgotten past
though i drank from memory
nor labyrinth uncertainties hedged
by the faded echo of thorny words
grown tall into shaggy walls
though i found the best way through
nor that sweltering vale of harbored rage
where the hardiest plants have dried
though i discovered there a new spring
a runnel of mint and clover
nor solitude
though she walked each day with me
and by the campfire sometimes
touched my hand
nor even my deepest self
for when the eve wind swept the sun to rest
in the pine cone night i found
no argument with him
no i just came to learn
to sound out what hidden strengths may lay
within the old dark pond
of my being
to sing heartfelt songs and tongues
among towering trees and leave
caught in their topmost branches
the smallest peace of my spirit
to play sonorous bamboo strains
alone on ridge tops where hidden
canyons convey each note
down through forever
to look deep in the glittering eyes
of night with all the passion of love
and converse with tremors of light
shot through the darkness
In a list
Thoughts, Feelings, Interpretations, Experience: [Reward: double points]
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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THis is great!
The way you start with such conviction ("I did not come to conquer") and then end with "I came to learn" is so simplistic and at the same time eloquent makes for beauty that is really unique! I loved reading your fantastic imagery and this is truly a beautiful piece! Thanks for the write
. Rewarded 6
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Ah yes, this is one of my inspired poems. I actually later broke off the 11th stanza from this poem and expanded upon it until it became "Solitude", one of my favorite writes ever. If you found you had the time, I'd be curious what you thought of that one, too, since it's related.
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Beautiful!!
This piece flowed with such rich eloquence.
I absolutely loved all the stanzas. Such vivid imagery as well. "The rippling pelt of a bear" that line grabbed me in for some reason. So simple but yet so vivid and wonderful! I have nothing but good things to say about this one.
Very calming and creative.
congratulations on this wonderful write
. Rewarded 6
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Glad you enjoyed, sir. Have you by chance ever visited the Yolla Bolly Wilderness? I dedicated an experimental poem, which I titled "Solitude", to the process of meeting and making peace with Solitude, personified. This took place in the Yolla Bolly Wilderness, and is filled, line by line, with imagery from that adventure.
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This was an interesting read. I interpret this as a quest for self-finding via nature, but the way it is written kind of hinders the poem's message, so I'm not too sure.
Let me start off by saying I liked your word choice, and your imagery, I thought, was superb. What I didn't like was the repetition; I just think you could have found a better was to write this than to repeat the same few phrases over and over.
Also, I didn't find a few faults in grammar. In stanza six, I think it would be wise to use a comma between "rock slides" and "scrub oak". Also, I think you could use either "labyrinthine" or "labyrinthian" in place of "labyrinth" in stanza 9.
Other than that, this was a pretty good piece; just too repetitive.
. Rewarded 8
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Very interesting form and switch part way through. I think that worked really well. I love your imagery and your expressive use of language - complex in emotion, yet simple in construction. Very very impressive poem. My congratulations.
. Rewarded 4
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You get a whole lot out of life while being alone...
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beautiful,,, wonderful,,, amazing poem... best part:to sing heartfelt songs and tongues
among towering trees and leave
caught in their topmost branches
the smallest peace of my spirit
So amazing
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Bautiful poem. I too have wandered like this in the forests and mountains of my country and frequently go trekking even now, but you have given wings to the indescribable experience of being alone with nature, alone with oneself listening to the music of being. We live outside ourselves most of the time. It becomes a revelation when things fall into perspecive in moments of real solitude...It is very difficult to describe this revelation, but you have done it beautifully.
. Rewarded 8
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Wonderful, insightful
Oh, Erin. I'm so excited about this one.
It leads with the right amount of intro,
then winds through the senses as each line
opens.
It is balanced, tight, though it bends like
a willow in wind.
Love the even, constant contrasts and comparisons!
Nature poetry is inside of me so I don't think
any profound interpretations would echo what
you've meant to say. But that doesn't mean
it isn't unique to the visuals....because it IS!
Could you juggle these (2) so that it doesn't
read like two nouns...Just a thought. Is it
just me?
the [death|still] pits of my fears"
. Rewarded 8
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love your peo
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My first impression: solitude, deep abiding peace that can only come when one is at peace in a place that can nurture this feeling. I could almost hear the bamboo notes echoing in the wilderness.
I don't do 'critiques' as such but suffice to say I feel better for having read your poem.
Regards, Von
. Rewarded 6
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Most revealing!
A masterful piece of poetry... An awesome vision of true grace... Astonishing, and free!
I love the honest flow of real beauty, in sweet repose...
Unlike anything I have heard hear... and given by you with a quiet heart of peace, as it is the willing vision, of what ( Though I may never ) I would with all my soul, aspire to be!
Completely worthy of more praise than AP will allow me to give!
Bravo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~
~ James ~
. Rewarded 8
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I breathe again...
"nor pure artesian sorrows
pressed deep in the layered folds
of a half forgotten past
though i drank from memory"
hmmm...oh how I have missed this...
"i did not even come to conquer
the death still pits of my fears
though i stood at the precipice
and pondered their hollow depths"
this one seems to speak to me about my situation at the moment...
i think of peace with nature..not just the wilderness but the nature of yourself ...and myself
"to look deep in the glittering eyes
of night with all the passion of love
and converse with tremors of light
shot through the darkness"
i see a sunrise..
great write friend...
Kay
. Rewarded 8
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When I first read this, the first few lines seemed weird and awkward to one who automatically expects and looks for punctuation as a guide to understanding. You have obviously eschewed this in the same way as E. E. Cummings was wont to do and I found that your poetry, like his, readily obtained clarity as one persevered with the text.
Further reading led me through an enchanting litany of possibilities and experiences. I have not been to Yolla Bolla and, alas, it is doubtful if I will ever visit this wilderness land of snow covered high peaks but I have experienced other elevated and isolated areas of natural beauty and can envision a few of the experiences you depict and appreciate the possibilities of the others. It seems that, as the Welsh say of Cader Idris, to visit these spots either makes one mad or a poet and you are clearly not mad.
Of all the sections I find the eleventh, solitude, most akin to my own feelings in such places but I can understand the impulse that led to the writing of the rest as a more permanent tribute than to sing (stanza 14). The ending also I find an extremely pleasing image.
On a more mundane note I would say that the poem is technically very good although I would have preferred labyrinthine to labyrinth in verse 9. The verse-to-verse repetition of form is effective and improved rather than harmed by the occasional variation. The lack of overt rhyme was, even for me, no impediment in the enjoyment of the piece. The vocabulary was sufficiently out of the ordinary to match the scenery described without being so obscure as to detract from the reader’s enjoyment.
This is a marvellous piece of writing and I congratulate you on it.
. Rewarded 8
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I retain the image
of the peace
left behind
by your spirit,
emitting calming
waves of peace
from the treetops.
But this image vies
with the conversation
with the light tremors.
Zahhar, your imagery
can well haunt the imagination.
Aesthete
. Rewarded 6
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"tremors of light / shot through the darkness" -- shoooooooooting stars!
very glad you enjoyed this and could appreciate the imagery. -
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Aha! I saw that in my mind,
not sure if that was the intent.
Thank you!
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its like there is a lifetime in this poem. so much richness and diversity. superb use of language. i felt like i was being lead somewhere.
"no i just came to learn
to sound out what hidden strengths may lay
within the old dark pond
of my being"
That line really stuck with me. I think it might be my favorite. Obviously you have tremendous talent, do keep it up dear.
Creatress
. Rewarded 8
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"to sing heartfelt songs and tongues
among towering trees and leave
caught in their topmost branches
the smallest peace of my spirit"
amazing, i loved the way it flows
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Zahhar, once again, you do not disappoint. This is absolutely exquisite. I don't really know what assymetrical free verse is, but I did notice a change in form when you switched to your answer.
The only part that I didn't care for was in your last "question" stanza - the one about your deepest self. Eve wind is rather clumsy. I don't think evening would be disturbing in its length or disruptive of the rhythm in its pronunciation and it would feel more natural.
Otherwise, it is amazing. celtic queen -
Very nice ...
it reminds me of a funeral dirge somehow, even though it doesn't feel negative at all. It just seems appropriate for that type of situation somehow.
Shouldn't there be an "s" on "leave" here?
among towering trees and leave
In any case, this is a very well done poem, and not in the sense of overcooked.
Good job.
. Rewarded 6
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i played with some word ambiguity in this poem. "leave" is the verb in this sense: "... and leave, caught in their topmost branches, the smallest peace (piece) of my spirit." but intended to play with "leaves" in the context.
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I like this Poem.
Even in the absence of earlier work, I can detect a maturing Poet.
I Enjoy the romance of its - nature based – language.
The title leaves me a bit confused. A play on Yella’ Belly?
The use of all lower-case lettering is a dramatic technique. It provides a solid base of soft mood. Sort of as if the printer was running out of ink and the text is readable but lightly powdered white.
This soft tone is balanced with grand and clear subjects – “scenic heights”, large trees, canyons….
Stanza 3, Lines 1-3, seem a little obtuse
Stanza 4 Seems a confused pace. Line 2 is fast, the rest is calm.
While reading through the first time I was easily able to detect the three sections and their different subjects and moods.
I am a bit put off by the use of the words “half” and especially “even” in lines 6-1, 8-3 and 6-1, 7-1 respectively.
The transition of stanza 6 into the journey or physical motion of section 2 is nice EVEN so.
The artesian water metaphor in Stanza 7 is beautiful and plays off the dimensions of the prior stanza (though not stanza 4?) – This ushers in a substantially more personal tone for Sec.2.
Stanza 10 uses “that” to bring a more specific tone to Anger. Fitting.
Stanza 11 brings it back down. Fits.
Stanza 12 “not even my deepest self” which is why….
It surprises me to find in Sec. 3 That the narrator DID come to find strengths in the “old dark pond of my being”!!! It’s deep in old dark ponds!! Old dark ponds of being ARE deepest selves!!! Maybe even “still death pits”. ??No???
Seems like Stanza 13 needs work. ??no?? Maybe I have missed something.
The final Section (other than the contradictory intro) relates Ease - music - that feeling of what life is REALLY about, or rather, not about. Wisdom.
I don’t really understand the reversal in shape found in the extended break between sec 2 and 3. Although it is the answer.
Overall, I like this poem. It shows a practice I cannot achieve (especially now).
Perhaps there are elements I missed and I do not properly understand the work; but this Poem spoke to me. I can feel those feelings – Their mine. This Poem is familiar and calm. I will be interested in your thoughts about these comments. I have not spent effort in organizing them or really “working them over”. I hope they are understandable. Thank You for Your Work.
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