Take this Beat
and Throw it away,
I won't need this Organ
for another bloody day.
Oh now,
I'm drowning in forever
with only my Suicidal-starlight
to keep me in Corroded company
While I'm Trapt between the looking glass
and shattered mirror shards.
I'm screaming for my past,
Distorting it to new Hallucinations,
and It's Shredding me apart,
With a fix of
Salt-seared stitches.
These ribbons run deep,
cracked and faded, like this rainbow on my windowpane.
They're slithering through my veins
to Corrupt my Star-grazed mind
and now they're pouring out my mouth,
through my eyes,
and muffling my ears,
like a gypsy on cocaine bottle-tops.
I've traded my Heart
for Coke-can dreams,
that have rusted away;
lost within my bitter screams.
Because when I'm awake
Deep in this black abyss i know
that hell exists,
because here I am,
Living in it.
Author notes
DONE! HAHA BITCH XDDD
A contest entry
- Time For You To Take A Chance ~ Round One by Tears and Raine.
320 points, ended January 26, 2008, 176 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Some of the expressions you use in this piece are beyond amazing, especially your references to Coke bottles and cans and the fact that you used those colors for your background. Wonderful job with this one.
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very well done
"drowning in forever" is amazing expression
also image of being trapped between the glass
did not understand "the Organ" you won't need for another day.
am probably too stupid. or it was written too vaguely
please elaborate a little. there must be more dumb people that don't understand vagueness.
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this a well worded, flowing, intricatly woven statement of things that we have all felt at one point in time. I like the writing and hte way that you have expressed yourself and you version of the age old problem with humanity and the problems that it brings with it. it is always good to read that topic that is much the same and have it appear in a different form. it shows the maturity in thought and the passion in emotion that the author is feeling. Great job,
XOXO~dreamwriter -
*HIGH FIVE*
Wow... I dont know what to say but you're going on my favorites! Its like you took my feelings and put them into words! *HIGH FIVE* (I'd Give you more points but im new to the site :E i have very few)
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This one is easy on the eyes. I like your use of euphemisms; it reminds me a lot of how I used to write when I first started out. If I could only dig up my old works you’d see a lot of similarities. I’m curious as to why you chose to capitalize some words and only punctuate certain lines. A good would guess would be that this is still a work in progress. While I enjoyed reading this piece, it doesn’t really offer anything that I feel is truly original.
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OMFG!
DAMN! awsome write! love the way it flows and keeps you hooked! If im honest I didnt want this poem to end, i wanted to carry on reading your amazing piece forever lol, its like one of them books that u just cant put down. AWSOME WRITE!!!!!!
xxx
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holy fucken shit that was mindblowing and amazing Im at a loss for words that totally blew me away love the first stanza love the last one too love this poem compleetely
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thanks ^^
This is being turned into a song too. =D -
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thats awesome good going!
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