Embittered,
foul taste of deceit,
ruptured spleen
from bygone fiction
now dwelling in
concealed emotions.
Trust meant nothing
limbs cracked, bleeding
incoherent thoughts,
fractured;
crushed in core
with knowledge of defect.
Thorns grasping,
hemorrhaging
all rememberances
exorcised.
Author notes
Prompt - LIES
Don't Piss Her Off!
In a list
A contest entry
- Prompt by Naridill.
300 points, ended September 25, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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You really managed to capture the emotions caused by betrayal and lies and so eloquently too. This was fantastic and engaging. The last stanza really left the poem with me. That was the stand out part for me.
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wow.
i really loved the way you expressed yourself, this is a very coherent and imaginative piece - it really struck a chord with me
x
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Hoodwink!!!
Your imagery is vivid, dark, and very expressive of the emotions resulting from that kind of betrayal. The phrasing you used works wonderfully in describing just how these kinds of feelings might be experienced: none to flowery, but rather very acutely.
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Not really used to this type of write. Full of descriptive imagery and nicely written. If there's one thing that really gets me it's lies!
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HAHA! Don't piss me off lol, am calmer now
This write was beautiful, tasted delightful
Much luck -
Yes lies.... I think we have all been on the end of something in which we knew the truth when no one else seemed to be able to work it out. I know I definately have. It reminded me of that pain, well written hun
Karen
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