I
You breathe me
sometimes,
tulips,
that lift my eyes
inside you and
push my hair
into many shadows.
II
I collected you
in seasons,
as leaves
speaking me
slowly,
then eyes of winter,
with scents
that loved me again
for that maybe summer,
warming my breast.
III
Long before shadows,
I remember you
as every moment
lifting me
inside your heart
for I am only you
within you
to watch us kiss
and call your name
September,
September.
Author notes
tulips depict confession of love
In a list
A contest entry
- PIF Saturday Quickie by kaibab.
475 points, ended September 23, 2007, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
-
What a confession... leaving me breathless sweet Kandy. I will put this one right now to my special list of featured poems. No wonder to see it dressed in gold
~Sonja~
-
Glad to see that this is allowed to be scored...as it is my fav for this round. Excellent job!
**Ktulu Blackwolfe** -
Hi there. I am glad to see you made it in for round one. Now Bear is right. These poems are to be written for this challenge only, and are not to be inspired by another contest.
I must give you credit. This poem is one of my favs in weeks. It is creative and unique. I loved the pic added... perfectly selected. I am a firm believer that poetry should be appealing to mind and eye. Lovely work. I am impressed, and that so rarely happens this early in the challenge.
Mel
-
We shall score this.......
..........this time.....but Fresh Poetry is always
criteria for this Challenge ~
Please make note of it Karmel :)
Bear ~
-
This poem appeals to me on a gut level. It's softly worded, and you control the flow beautifully. Unless you've edited the ending, I have to disagree that it ends too abruptly. Yes, it left me wanting to read more...but sometimes (sometimes!) leaving your reader wanting more is a good thing. If anything, I think you could have added a bit more to part I, making it a similar length as the other two.
One of only a couple of other suggestions I have:
"speaking (to) me
slowly,"
I'd also like to see "september" capitalized in your title.
Your presentation is good and reads easily, though a softer background color might have been more fitting. I've read (and written
) so much love poetry that it's become hard to emotionally touch me with it, but this really did the trick. A lovely first entry in the competition. 
Good luck and best wishes,
~J. -
Hi Karmel ~
It's good to see you here my Friend!
First off....I want to bring to your attention what was stated in
your Hosts' criteria for this Round ~
*Fresh Poetry* ~
I see you entered a Piece you wrote for a *Quickie contest*
....I am going to consult with Melanie about how we should handle this ~
You are not in trouble by any means.....but it states clearly, that only *Fresh* poetry is what we are looking for this Round ~
This is your chance to earn the Immunity & Creativity Pass....and of you enter something which has already won a Trophy, then we as your Judges, will have not had the chance to see your creative side for this Challenge....yet we only see what was penned for another contest, and that really deducts from originality and freshness as a whole ....your over-all *Creativity is...old ~
Awaiting on your Hosts response!
:)
Bear ~
-
I do agree with Ktulu on his statements as how it adruptly ended. This was good, but I would have liked to see more.
Also, his points on capitalization are mine as well.
Nice write though.
Always and Forever,
Aqua Tinted
-
i didnt know we were allowed to give pre-writes, you sly little sugaar ...
as usual, I'm left AWED at this ... spectacular! well, i already know you'll win this challenge!!!
amazing ...stunning, abosolultely stunning ...
you have to tell me the secrets of this 'nicolette'type' poetry ... it is so majestic, I must experiment!!
good luck ma' dear!!!
-
-
Being that this was posted 2 days ago....which is during the time allotment of this round, it is ok for one to post something like this as an entry....
It becomes more difficult to do that as the challenges progress though and you are given certain tasks to complete. -
-
you guys scare me! the way you use 'next challenge' 'difficult' and 'TASKS'
lol, well, i hope it is as fun as it is scary!!!
-
-
LOL it's not all that bad...I was in your shoes last season.
-
-
-
-
What can one say?
Just as I was starting to feel WOWed it ended far to abruptly.
There are a few spots that I think could use some reworking.....such as;
Capitalize your first word in your first stanza.
Capitalize your first word in your last stanza.
And, if I am not mistaken, September should be capitalized as well.
Also, try to not overuse the word "and" as you have it in every stanza....
**Ktulu Blackwolfe** -
This is amazing, Candy! Congrats on a well deserved gold!! WHOO HOO!!!
Lynda
-
Stunning write Candy Congraulations on your well deserved gold.
gaylene
-
wow
what a way with words
you did an awesome job
this is superb
Rifktin -
Sigh - I am speechless - your work is certainly taking flight, my dear, this is absolutely beautiful, you made this prompt positive, beautiful poetry!
-
This run of work of late - merging flowers and seasons and time in a magical blend of metaphor, just excellent. Each seems to extend on the previous. Good grief, at this rate, by the time that September falls next, you'll be out-writing everyone
-
Lovely a glass, in eye to remember,
river to stil with kiss, and feather,
flying air to southern weather,
in trip to glow what was September...
so lovely, your September echo
-
You are really going from strenth to strength in your poetry, my friend. This one is just beautiful....aah, yes..."september, september" - I should plant a tulip now...it was my month of a confession of love too ("long before shadows...")
~ Nicolette
Adding your comment:
1 - 19 of 19
