I'd never seen this clear internal light
in faces seen so frequently before;
the eyes of love develop second sight
to see the need for love, and love it more.
In faces seen so frequently before
familiar lines and smiles require respect,
to see the need for love, and love it more,
a mix of strength and weakness to protect.
Familiar lines and smiles require respect,
their gentleness and wisdom through the years,
a mix of strength and weakness. To protect,
my single thought, received with sudden tears,
their gentleness and wisdom. Through the years,
the eyes of love develop second sight.
My single thought, received with sudden tears,
I'd never seen this clear internal light.
In a list
A contest entry
- The Pantoum Challenge by Denierim.
2000 points, ended September 30, 2007, 16 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Key To Enlightenment : Love ? Wisdom ? Both ? by maa.
543 points, ended April 6, 16 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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a truly touching verse in pantoum-form … your words are simple and go right to the heart … these are not lofty concepts exposed, but experiences incarnated in flesh … a very feminine approach to spirituality … very tangible and realistic … thank you so much for your precious participation in this contest …
much love,
marion
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Oh. How I love this Pantoum ...
and I still feel as I stated before: a golden moment in realization ... and divine!
Love
Myra
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I cannot say enough in praise of this moving poem, for words that assemble from other sources cannot hope to meet the special depth of these, or their height. Some of us have to sprint just to stand still in this company.
Terry
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Thank you Terry, but shucks. Sometimes a poem comes easily, and it is a message that is good to know. I could be wrong, but I think that enlightenment is not a private experience; we can see light in others better than the one in ourselves.
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A magnificent Pantoum.
Most enjoyable to read and to savour.
The poem is so evenly good I dare not pick out a favourite line. This poem shows mastery of rhythm, rhyme and form. Into the bargain, it is a jolly good poem without these attributes.
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Four quatrains of a Pantoum
is all you need really, I feel. This poem is conforming tightly to the form. Your poem is poignant because of the effectiveness in separating the first and last lines with so much depth of emotional intensity. It is possible to forget the line repetition, in fact.
This is quality writing.
Also, as I know the poet, I can safely say that one should think in terms of a persona rather than the author for the voice of the poem. Of course, this does not make the poem less sincere in feeling at all.
Each of the four stanzas has a wonderful evenness about them; so essential for an excellent pantoum.
This line is a clever one because word order is preserved but impetus to new meaning is achieved through punctuation:
"a mix of strength and weakness. To protect, "
I shall not say what this poem means. The reason is that its moving lines (in a double sense) are absorbed subjectively in different ways for each reader.
This line accentuates how well we ought know, at least, the ones near and dear to us:
"Familiar lines and smiles require respect,".
And, as I notice, Myra has seen the poem's chief strength apart from the beauty of the form when she says:"We are indeed sent on each other's paths".
Finally, one has the excellent mystery of the wonder of second sight.
:) :) :f
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Dear Ron, thank you for your detailed comment, I am humbled by your attention. In the past I have let a pantoum run away with me, but now I look for the first opportunity to repeat the opening line - less is more.
The persona could well be me in this case, though the vision is a distillation from the last decade of love and parting. I have been very lucky in the people who have crossed my path.
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This is such a beautiful write filled with love. I especially love the fist stanza. How one can start seeing love in ordinary things and faces that never really meant that much to them. That's how I saw it throughout the poem, how love can become stronger and you only want to protect the person you're willing to spend your life with. All the face that pass us by are important and it's a shame that people nowadays just keep walking, not even caring. It's sad, really.
I loved the flow and the rhyming was great also. I wouldn't change a word of this piece if I were you! Wonderful work!
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Wondrous!
A perfectly GOLDEN pantoum ... How much I love your words and your work in general. We are indeed sent on each other's paths, to support and to be enriched in His own generous way.
Thank you for reminding me that we should really SEE those faces around us, and their divinity.
God with us. Indeed.
Love
Myra
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Thank you for everything Myra, you noticed the similarity to Ordinary Emmanuel - this is my rewrite. I wanted a pantoum, and thought, why not?
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