I seek to find the love I lost
Melted emotions concealed in agony
I've lost my soul amongst obsession
No return from the hell that I chose
My heart grows weary
Diffused passion, lasting obsession, for the one I lost
A one way ticket on an endless journey
No destination for the route that I chose
Stuck like stagnant water waiting
to be freed from the bog of depression
Is all that remains the failed efforts of our soul?
My eyes have no vision, ears deaf
from listening, skin burnt from touching
I have no sense at all.
What is the point of a dagger's reflexion?
Glistening in the moonlight as it strikes its next victim
A lasting obsession, binding forever
like the sins we've committed, which damn us to hell.
Author notes
No idea where this poem came from.
I sat in my room waiting for a poem that came to me, this was it.
Certainly depressing in nature!
A contest entry
- What's Up With That? Contest by JeannieD Hunter.
900 points, ended September 29, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Self Disection by slayenemy909.
650 points, ended September 30, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me [hurt], make me [smile], make me [bleed]... by TaintedBeauty.
460 points, ended September 26, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 7 Trophies or LESS. LOTS OF POINTS by God is my reality.
700 points, ended September 29, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sorrows of Fantasy by Irish-Maiden.
330 points, ended October 22, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I think this is a interesting piece I wish you much luck in the contest.Best wishes and much love
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wow, hun! Where the hell did this come from?! It's not your usual happy bouncey self! But it is good writing! =D xxx
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you've captured the essence of what i was wanting but not the setting part. I only see the emotion not your own fantasy world created of sorrow.
Good luck in my contest!!! -
My first impression is of the anger that no doubt creates the depression. I too have often felt the falling in love can become almost a curse. And the cause of eternal damnation. Great purge... Ithica
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This is sooooo sad. I love it so much
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Wow, this was good! I love the comparison of waiting on someone who doesn't want you as a one way ticket, and that it is. You can travel to them as much as you want, and they still reject you.
"My eyes have no vision, ears deaf
from listening, skin burnt from touching
I have no sense at all."
This part was very powerful. It brought up a lot of good imagery. I could almost feel my skin tingle when it talked of the skin being burnt. Very nice!
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I like the idea of this but for me the execution wasn't as strong as it should be when writing about a topic like this. Unfortunately, I'm a jaded reader for the most part and when I see some of the images up there (love lost, soul lost, hell, blind, deaf,one way ticket) I also need something that will jar me out of the cliche and it just wasn't there for me.
That is not to say this is a bad poem, but it could be much better with revision. I like the images of stagnant water and the bog of depression, I think if you developed those and use them as metaphors for the rest of the feelings (and loss) it would make the poem much stronger. -
hmm
This was an interesting poem. I liked the natural feel of your wording. This came across as very straightforward reflection.
While I do think this is a good poem I don't think this is as revealing or as brutal of a write as I was looking for.
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Sometimes our minds bring forth feelings and emotions we weren't even aware were there. Seems they were purged from a dark place before they could take root and grow. Well done. Thank you for entering and good luck.
Jeannie -
wow this is intense the feelings are strong
looking and not seeing what is here and now and then calling them forward for they mean the world
is important
Riftkin
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