Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Hacmatac Attack

I hugged a tree, a hackmatac
Surprisingly, it hugged me back
It felt so right, it was such bliss
I gave its trunk a little kiss

I liked this and was feeling good
Surrounded thus by living wood
I thought then of a certain miss
Thought, "Thanks Lane for suggesting this."

It felt so good it felt so right
I felt like I could stay all night
But, I had things to do, you know
And that tree wouldn’t let me go

I felt so small, it was so big
I felt upon my ass, a twig
This wasn’t going as I’d hoped
I was it’s captive getting groped

Then smaller branches from aloft
Were now tugging my trousers off
And I began to thinking how
I wished I had my chainsaw now

So, then the man-molesting tree
Ripped off my undies, painfully
My tighty whities all unfurled
There I was, bare-assed to the world

A nearby maple took its leaves
And slapped my ass in tickle tease
But, I had lost my taste for wood
It truthfully did not feel good

I realized struggling was wrong
And knew that I must play along
To outsmart this perverted tree
If I had hopes to end up free

I took my hands, caressed the bark
I sang sweet love songs like a lark
And thinking just strategically
I then began to hump the tree

I swallowed hard, and then I gave
The hacmatac just what it craved
I frenched the bark, hugged tighter, too
Its grip relaxed a notch or two

I humped and pumped ‘till I was sore
Its grip relaxed a little more
I stuck my thumb in a knothole
Then pushed real hard, away I stole

I bolted, pants still on the ground
And hopping, dodged all trees around
For each was bent on grabbing me
(And then abusing carnally)

I finally reached the meadow's clear
Covered in scratches, filled with fear
I took stock of my poor mishap
Leaves up my ass, covered with sap

Pulled up my pants, and then I said;
“I’ll be back with my Jonsered!”
Lost in my rage, it hit me then
DO NOT listen to Lane again!




Author notes

Hacmatac is an evergreen tree... also known as Tamarac. Jonsered is a fine chain saw. Lane is a sometimes fictitious character I made up who told me to hug a tree... yeah, thanks.

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • 2lullabyhaven
    July 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very poetically pitched; thanks for your entry lol


  • daviscth silver member
    July 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!! This was so deserving of the gol. I enjoyed every word. Thank you SO MUCH for my early morning laugh!


  • crazymomma
    July 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    LMAO!!! This was so funny and unique. I loved the story and rhyme scheme here. The imagery had me laughing all the way through. Thanks for entering


  • Nicada silver member
    June 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ha! Ha! As much as I hate to admit it, this one made me laugh out loud, sitting here all by myself. This is sick but too damn funny! Thanks for the out loud belly laugh. Patty


  • echo-ink
    June 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    You give a new meaning to the word pervert

    Whoever you are, this was hilarious, and your SICK!!!!

  • Cinnarry gold member
    September 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    hug the roots, they are the ones holding the weight and barely ever seen..


  • HaleyMary
    September 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    lol. This was crazy, but funny. Didn't exactly sound like it would be a very pleasant experience, though. Keep writing.


  • Dalaney gold member
    September 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    lol...I'm a fictitious character you've made up??? lol
    Yeah yeah yeah...you know you loved hugging that damn
    tree... On a scale of hilarity from one to ten, I would rate this...hmmmm...a nine. It would have been funnier if I had been there with a camera. Pull out the splinters, boy, and pat yourself on the back...this is a good one

    Love, Lane


  • Amera gold member
    September 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    LOL, you are totaly insane. This is so funny and I agree; don't listen to Lane. I was going to do a co-write with her, good thing she forgot. The rhyme and content of this is delightful. The image is painful.

    Love,
    Amera♥


    • Dalaney gold member
      September 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      amera

      ...darling, i haven't forgotten to write with you...i've been busy, and shame on you for saying you won't listen to me...now, i'm going to have to send you into the woods in search of a horny oak...

      Lane

1 - 12 of 12