adrift

i've become inconclusive
pining in a radius that revolves
it leaves me standing still with
evermore pushing into my pores
i feel this relentless pull
this uncanny idea that
falling just gets better
and being scoped out
isn't being found
i keep trying to build my
mind (you) into an empire
that knows this demise
that stalls me in uncertainty
being undecided in this weighted happiness
i keep losing
mass bridges with all their glowing routes
i'm pinned and forcefed
chosing this limp apathetic glance
my selfishness is faith
my groggy disbelief emerging
from disoriented life long knowledge
i keep dipping myself in solitude
and each layer is seperating me
and i'm getting scared of how
i've been thinking lately
that nothing is ever so simple
off recycling my mind and
these thoughts from recycled material
are gripping
isolated in this frozen case
where the lines end - spiraling about
the stake of a smile is affection
my body dreads
such confusion and now i know why
people of my situation are a risk factor
i should mold into an army instead of a library
i should stop hiding in text
i should be frank
but every gesture is clipped
a hesitated movement
i crave to be on his side
where have i acquired such
heavy disconsolation?
is it this humanity i'm undelightfully
shown?
oh my exuberant mind is dragging me
to the ocean depths and
making me peer up through theses miles
of unoriginality
he's so calm, like the pup
our mismatches still collide under this
quilt. he's breathing so calm, mind adrift
i want to hold him and marry him
i want to leave and forget everything
all these decisions and paths, all leading
to the same place
i am turning into such a sad moon.