It was 1948
Philadelphia
in the middle of the night.
I was five years old, an only
child
asleep on my twin bed.
I awoke s c r e a m i n g:
"there's bugs! there's bugs!
all over me. P L E A S E
Help me. Help me."
Silence thundered through
my room as darkness' face
met me in the horrifying
terror of solitary tremblings,
lost
full of doom.
It seemed like hours before
someone came.
"Help me. P L E A S E.
Someone help me."
In the doorway a figure
loomed,
"Daddy is that you?"
I cried.
(He was my hero, my teacher,
my god in human form.)
He moved closer to my bed.
In the shadow of uncertainty
I cried,
"Oh daddy it is you,"
Gasping i cried,
"There's b u g s daddy. Bugs all over
me"
"I'll get those bugs" he snorted
squeezing close to me
struggling to remove his leather belt
from his trousers.
Oh my god I thought,
he's going to kill them
"Oh thank you daddy. Thank you!"
my arms outstretched in supplication.
Crack went his belt. Snapping of leather
digging into my flesh...
smacking the child that lay trembling
beneath sweat-soaked sheets.
He was killing the bugs... wait...No...
No. He was hitting...beating...destroying
unseen innocence and trust.
In the heat of one embittered moment
without tenderness or care, etching
self-hatred and loathing into my soul,
he ripped and shread my childhood
from the apron of mommie's absence
sucking the marrow out through the bone
of childhood hopes and dreams
and heros.(I had scarlet fever and my temperature
rose to 103 degrees)
Patricidal flowering of youth grew
hatred heretofore unfelt, unknown
bleeding onto the stem of seedling
womanhood, took root
there in the bed of torment and agony,
into the awkward stage of adolescence I
matriculated into promiscuity
and floundering pubescence.
Looking for a lost and angry
dream of fatherly love...
I hammered into adulthood
on the lies and cries of a Motherless-bed-
of-indifference;
an unnoticed angel metamorphosised
into a forever and always bothersome nuisance...
born of deadly lies...unheard cries:an inner child's
once upon a time nursery rhyme innocence.
Author notes
"Once used and abused" per contest rules
Option #1
A contest entry
- Contest for the Group " SILENCED ANGELS" Open to all !!!! by PassionsPromise.
700 points, ended October 10, 2007, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - April is Abuse Awerness Month by FallenFromGrace1102.
340 points, ended May 2, 2008, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Wow this is written with such a force that i sort of don't want to coment because other wise he might try to find me and it will happen all over. I admit to laughing in the first few stanza's, never knew Philadelphia was a real place, i have only heard of it a soft garlic cheese...lol.
The power of the piece is unforseeing. You begin so calmly, so pleasently with this natural jive going on and then it all falls away, the reader first becoming suspiscious when he takes of his belt, but you never quite expect the power to stay in the poem after that. You leave me breathless. You are in human (bows)
Stay well,
Dryad Enya -
This is so powerful well written deeply sad without too much self pity, you have been through so much too much I have heard so many stories too many including my daughter one (but at least he had 4 years in jail served 3 only of course). How a father can prey on a daughter or an adult on an innocent child is beyond me.
I feel for you for you childhood lost of trust, Take care.
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this is truly amazing, especially this part
Silence thundered through
my room as darkness' face
met me in the horrifying
terror of solitary tremblings,
lost
full of doom.
GREAT WRITE -
amazing poem, powerful and direct
people write of life using who, what, why it affects us
your account touches hearts and people feel connected
sad but truely a very gifted WRITE !!!
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powerful, powerful write!
all men are not assholes as suggested below.
the links on the chain of shame and abuse pass down from generation to generation
way to easily!
WHat a sweet gentle child you were and how horridly he reacted to your fevers fears.
May you find the courage to forgive him for his wretchedness and probably the
abuse he also received as a child. Then you will free the chains off both of you.
Whether he likes it or not.....YOU CONTROL THE CHAINS NOW!
ears/Seattle
way to write!
way to write!
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so this is a totally amazing poem but compleatly goes against my contest... like i loved reading it but it just proves my theory that all men are assholes.
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Horrible image. Though that comes with the subject matter of the contest unforunately. You did an amazing job here.
Thank you so much for entering =) -
i thought it was really good..
the way you put the BIG words and put them into writing like that is really good.
very artistic and very AWESOME!!!!!!!!!
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Hi sweetie,
Appreciate you stopping by with comments on Deadly lies.... ANDTHOSE HAPPY CLAPPY FACES.
blessings<
LIQUID
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great write so powerful and strong keep up the beautiful work. i wish you the best of luck in my contest.
*~*bee*~* -
Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can certainly relate to your pain here!!! But you have taken that pain and released it through your writings and poured out your emotions thus releasing them from within yourself. I entered your conetest and wrote for the first time of my child abuse. But mine was not at the hands of my father or mother but at the hans of her boyfriend who pounced in on our family almost immediately after my dad deserted us. This was a heartwrenching write to think you had scarlet fever and your dad comes in and beats you unmercifully!!! I have read so many poets who have been abused in so many ways it is overwhelming at times weighing me down with sorrow for their pain. That is one f hte reasons I try to focus my writings on bringing awareness. And I also write alot of spiritual pieces to bring comfort in knowing tha God wil bringus through anything if we just ask!!! Thanks for sharing and I hope your life has turned around now that you have control!!!~~Toni~~
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Dear Talking Toni,
Thank you for stopping in to read and comment on
"DEADLY LIES..." Love the happy faces.
There are still ambushes that trigger old unhealed
places that hide out in the dungeons of mind.
I work on them as they raise their heads in my life as they affect my relationships with all aspects of life.
Much healing has occurred but not by osmosis but rather by facing the demons a little at a time,
embracing the wounded child and a multitude of
various other techniques; there are many out
there.
Again, thank you and manyblessings of peace
love light and much JOY
liquid
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Wow!
This is a well-written and powerful, emotional poem. A great read. Well done.
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Thanks Bella for stopping by to read "DEADLY LIES..." and for your comments and happy, smiley
faces.
LOVELIGHTPEACE
liquid
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Great poem. I'm really sorry about what happened, I'm here if you ever need to talk.
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Thanks for stopping by. There's little if any
dregs of sorrow unsung within this write.
Processed, forgiven, healed.
Grateful for the peace of surrender and forgiveness and mostly love of the little one
safe inside
lovelightpeace
liquid -
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I'm glad you're over it. I know it takes forever and it hurts like hell.
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wow, this was a powerful and saddening piece. It is interesting how you weave this story also, the truth creeps up on you just as it does to the child. I thought your voice through the eyes of a child and then the shift as if from the adult narrator was very interesting and worked without seeming choppy or inconsistent. great job!
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Dear LZA-dear
Thank you for stopping by and commenting on
DEADLY LIES, UNHEARD CRIES and for those
happy faces.
Love,
liquid
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I really did enjoy this. Unfortunately, this sort of abuse is a harsh reality for many children today. It was written with such a dark sort of sadness, that I nearly cried. The way the child goes from idolizing to fearing a so-called 'hero', the bug analogy, and everything else, was just... Wow! You evoked some emotions beyond description with this one... I really think this is a winner, definitely trophy material. Well done!
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Wow, this is disarming, and captivating, very much so.
ah the damage one does and how we sometimes claim ignorance...this so touched me, it is my story too to some degree. Most intense...good luck in the contest.
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This is the sort of maddening stupidity lorded over innocence that enrages this equally abused misunderstood one as a child myself!And as much as I'd like to say,a dread ugly blimish from the past.I see this alive and florishing even in todays sociaty.Kudos for the will it took to write this and a will to survive.
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this was a sad and painful write and it held so much depth within it
it really had me captured and i could feel the emotions flowing from this
thankyou for entering and best of luck
~*~Owner of group~*~
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Wow, this is really sad and emotional. So sorry for the pain endured. Wonderfully written. Many hugs!
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this is:
Amazing, prefect, i love it -
holy shit
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This was a powerful piece my friend. brought tears to my eyes. I am sorry you had to endure such pain. I shall pray for you and hope you find the peace you need friend. Thank you for breaking the silence.
Tory
PssionsPromise
Goodluck with your entry
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