Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Band Aids for the Mind

The scratch of pen on paper
  is like band aids
meant to patch our wounds
but not to heal them.

Without our words we bleed.

Emotions are like the blood cells,
flowing  from our heart.

They keep us beating out
our verses;


but when our heart stops beating
   the pressure builds
     like silence,
in abandoned music halls;
      eerie and unnatural.

Is it our own fear, and complexities
that keep our pens from writing?

When words are no longer enough
and our path seems lost

   we fade to gray,

and come to think we will remain
forever silent.

but that cannot be the end.

 

I believe that sometimes our mind needs to seek

beyond our dreams;
beyond our words.

The truth...

we never leave the "path" that is life,

but there will be times when we find a few things
blocking it.



Author notes

Option 2

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • Learning2PaintYou
    November 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your entry. I love the metaphor.


  • BluesMan gold member
    July 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    If you think you can or you think you can't you're probally right Stay centered and believe in yourself and the ink will always flow Thank you for entering my contest


  • raggyann
    June 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    yes destiny and our walk in life some smooth some rocky
    good message


  • tawk gold member
    June 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I believe in destiny but things do get in the way and we have to move them or go around. Wonderful write good luck in the contest! Theresa


  • R S Adams Jr silver member
    June 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I like your poem with its unique form...

    ...the spaces and line breaks add to the meaning of your poem.

    The message is thought provoking. I particularly like the concluding verse: "we just find a few things blocking them at times," and you leave the chance for us to recover and get on with our life.


  • Glasyalabolas
    October 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Ah, I've commented on this one before, though that comment still holds true on re-reading.

    Congrats on gold.


  • Nam
    October 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "It is said it takes fewer muscles to smile"

    I may be incorrect but going by how the line reads, I feel that there would be some sort of punctuation after the word 'said' in the beginning. Perhaps a comma, or a colon, or something?

    "but when our hearts stop beating"

    I feel that "hearts stop" would work better as "heart stops". Same premise for this line:

    "and our paths seem lost"

    I feel that "paths seem" would work better as "path seems". Here as well:

    "sometimes even our minds
    need to seek beyond our dreams;"

    "minds" at the end changed to "mind" and "need" in the beginning of the second line as "needs". And lastly with this line:

    "we never really leave our paths,"

    I feel "paths" would work better as "path".

    Just suggestions, your usages work, as well but if you read it with the changes I suggest perhaps you can see how I see it.

    Other than that, a great poem that you have written here.





  • Glasyalabolas
    October 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This piece is very honest and painful, very sad but ultimately true. However, there is an even greater truth and realisation (not to mention hope) in the ending. It isn't something that is often easy to see, but it is there.

    Very well written. Good write and congrats on bronze.


  • storiesuntold gold member
    October 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    So true indeed

    Within the pursuit of teaching people to write and clean their souls of the thoughts that tend to haunt them and letting others read their fears .You can truly find your way back from the sorrows and with others who have been there and found freedom and love you also can find this love to return


  • forever dreaming
    October 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I really really enjoyed this piece. Aside the fact that it is well written it screams truth at the highest volume. I really do think that yours could be the poem that helps me the most. I am so glad that you entered this into my contest. Many many thanks to you and keep up the excellent work as you have a true talent xx

  • Nam
    September 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I felt a few of the beginning verses perhaps could stand on their own without the verses at the end. The end verses are just as knowledgeable yet I felt their sole purpose was just ending the poem, and didn't really attribute what the first verses of the poem did.

    Overall, however, I find it to be a great piece that you have written here.


  • earthstar
    September 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It is said it takes fewer muscles to smile
    then it does to frown,
    but it takes no muscles at all
    to remain expressionless.
    And though it seams easiest to pretend
    to feel nothing,
    this only creates more suffering within.

    This is the greatest truth you speak in this write. I hurts more to carry a burden alone. I have been done that path. It hurt me more then words can every say. If anyone gets any thing out of this wonderful write. I hope they learn not to hold things in. I could not become a writer till I dealt with left over trash. I am seeing a therapist to help me get better. It a slow road to recovery.

    Brena

  • eternal-devotion
    September 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Very well done.

    I found this to be very deep and extreamly thought provoking and I agree with this on so many levels. You are very gifted in your wording on this very deep subject. The emotions that your words conjure up are so many that it remains hard to choose just what of this I could say was the absolute best part of it. Reading this makes me wonder what you might be able to come up with for my new contest, Our Planet in Peril, I would like to see you enter it.


  • Nicolette Everett
    September 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I like the idea of how your explaining writing as being a way for the mind to be patched over. I like that comparison a lot, not really though of before.
    I like the line 'need to seek beyond our dreams;'. It expresses the need to move beyond fears and blocks and once you do it makes you able to push on and to write better
    Great job! Hope you win!


  • Tarja
    September 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    As a poet I can testify to this... very powerful piece you got here... I love it! Very true and very solid. Good luck in the contest.

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    September 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I have to immediately say that I completely understood your first stanza. Writing has been my release, it helps you deal but it doesn't make it go away.

    I think you have written a very nice piece. Your words ring true.


  • LadySparrowHawk05
    September 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love this one, and I'm not sure why. It speaks to me on a psychological/mental level. It clearly describes frustration, and it also gives hope that our path won't be blocked forever.


  • grannyeri gold member
    September 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Liked the conclusion of this poem - and the metaphors used in relating this to writer's block. So easy to get, so hard at times to get out of that rut. Liked the flow and the message shared here. Keep writing....


  • W B Burkholder
    September 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Liked this piece, good luck in the contest


  • captain howdy
    September 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    WOW! You always write such amazing poetry, sis! *hugs* I'm so proud of you!


  • Dancing Rebel
    September 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    I must say that the little note to the other contest runner is quite cute,
    As to the poem. Excellent write.
    Beautiful, wording and flow are also excellent
    Thank you for entering my contest
    Good luck
    Zoe xxx


    • McRae by nature
      September 20, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I know I am not supposed to reply for purposes of remaining anonymous, but I really wanted to say thanks for your comment.

      Thank You

1 - 22 of 22