Darkest Secrets

So many changes I've endured
So much pain and uneven scores
Too many tears spilt from these emerald eyes
Too many times of just wishing to die
I've spent so much time in front of a mirror
Hating myself because of the streaming tears
So much blood has been allowed to run along my arms
And maybe it was me who was doing the most harm
So much time spent hating myself because of what he's done
So many pills swallowed that allowed me to not see morning's sun
Arms full of scars that hold my darkest secrets.

So many changes I want to withhold
So much pain from believing the lies told
All the tears that should've never been set free
Too many times of just not being me
A mirror reflection that has become what I despise
It has never been like me to break down and cry
An empty soul and a calloused heart
I should've quite at the very start
So much time spent inflicting harm upon myself
Razors & pills left upon a bloody shelf
Towels stained with blood that hold my darkest secrets.

So many mistakes I want to erase
Needing to leave and forget this place
So many secrets buried deep within my mind
With fears of truly knowing them because of what I might find
Anger that rises but never becomes shallow
Too many years spent of feeling only hollow
Too many enemies that remain on my list
A life full of pain, lacking the bliss
Remaining walls that stand so high
To prevent the pain & destruction of pride
A scarred mind that holds my darkest secrets.

So much time spent hating myself because of who I am
Just wanting to give up, not care, to not give a damn
So much anger about who I've become
Despising my brother for being the favorable one
So much trouble that outlines my past
Harsh words that my parents can't take back
Knowing false love and the hatred it brings
The reality of my past that continues to sting
The yelling, the fighting, the deep-rooted hate
And knowledge of the unchanging fate
A scarred heart that holds my darkest secrets.

Hiding the reality I know I can't face
Walking this earth, feeling so out of place
Refusing to get help that could work
Emptiness & sadness being allowed to lerk
Pushing away and building my walls
Allowing in just one out of them all
The continuation of living while still hating my soul
Knowing the mistakes and destructive tolls
And making the best of the things I have
With the reality that life doesn't allow you to go back
A scarred child that has revealed her darkest secrets