She leans against the doorpost,
wrapped in a filmy gown
and sweet perfume,
carrying the teamug.
Buried in his work,
on discovery's brink,
a grunted thanks
for the caffinated brew--
he doesn't look up.
She turns to hide tears,
though he isn't looking...
too immersed in scientific glory.
She glides away.
Staring at the wall,
the pillow dewed with tears,
she traces the band, the golden ring,
long-ago promise of love.
Lulled to sleep by his
keyboard tap-tapping,
she dreams and waits
for this ravenous fervor
of study to end.
As lustful desires fade,
the scholar glances from his study,
to where his love waits...asleep.
Author notes
*Lust* (prompt)
*POD*
This is really not my usual type of poetry, but I was trying to get a different take on lust vs. love... Personally, I'm afraid that I didn't use 'lust' the way that you meant it to be used--I shan't be hurt with a DQ. I'd like your opinions!
A contest entry
- The POD by Arkbear.
300 points, ended September 20, 2007, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Awesome! Yah it wasnt the poem i would have ordinarily expected from you but it was still awesome like all the rest! well keep em coming and we are going to have to finish that poem once you get back on, cant wait! until then have fun! ^_^
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Awesome! You're my hero, lil sis! Congrats on the gold... you certainly earned it!
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Thanks again; it means a lot that you enjoyed reading it!
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I've read all but one of the poems for this POD so far, and I have to say this is the most original take on the prompt I have seen yet. It doesn't strike me as "sensual", yet it takes the theme of "lust" and creates that sense of waiting...wanting...and yearning. Brilliant! It's a bit sad to see such a plain background, for such an outstanding piece of poetry. I think this is also a fine example of being able to draw emotion from everyday happenings, and without any fancy wording or heavy metaphors. The weakest point of this is probably the title. It fits nicely, but is a bit bland. But all in all - Well done, poet! Thank you for your entry and good luck to you.
Best wishes,
~J. -
Title - The title was pretty good. Simple, but definitely fitting to the contest. 8/10
Appearance - Appearnace was okay with the color scheme. Basic, but easy to read. Scanned well for rhythmic purposes. 8/10
First Impression - Absolutely wowed by this piece. The unfulfilled lust of the wife, and the lust of the husband for success and knowledge... and I'm not sure either is ever really fulfilled. Just loved it, hung on every line. 10/10
Rule Adherence - I found no rule violations. 10/10
Rhythm - Great rhythm... flowed really well, I had no breaks in it as I read it. 10/10
Imagery - Imagery was pretty good. Not a lot of metaphoric use, but pretty nice descriptive writing. I might have thrown a couple of adjectives in, but then you'd risk having rhythm problems. 8/10
Originality - Very unique offering, I think you captured this in a way which probably many people can relate to, though they don't recognize that as being a "lust". 10 /10
Spelling/Word Usage - I found no spelling errors or incorrect word usage. 10/10
Grammar - I found no grammatical errors. 10/10
Ease of Understanding - Very easy to understand, no unneccessary wording. Great job here. 10/10
Total Score - 94/100 -
Genius ~
You penned something worthy of Gold in my eyes ~
To be sensual...one does not have to touch ~
To *lust*...one does not have to....touch ~
Presentation of this wonderful piece is very drab ~
You may not grasp what you have penned here ~
Not sure what *filmy* is.......did you mean..*flimsy*?
This is a totally, incredible piece of reading material here ~
The imagery is stunning......the flow was carved out by your words ~
The Theme, has fulfilled everything about Lust there is to know ~
You have tapped into another part of Lust which can
drive us insane much quicker than, quick, adulterated emotions ~
The fire that you gave this female character is.....superb ~
I remember those days of....longing....hoping.....dreaming.......lusting ~
Aww....this is incredible ~
Title is a bit cliche'...but befitting as well ~
Good luck Poet,
Bear ~
Title 9.4
Flow 10
Depth 10
Theme 9.9
Feelings 10
Grammar 9.5
Presentation 9.8
Uncommonness 9.8
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.6
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 98.0
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It's fantastic. Not what I usually expect from you, but certainly not lacking in your incredible talent either. The flow is very good and you draw a very good image in my mind. Excellent write, good luck in the contest!
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Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it.
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It builds up to the end really nicely, I like it. Definitely makes you feel for the girl.
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Thanks very much!
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