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Withering Blossom

Missing image


       You always knew what I was thinking and feeling
comforting me through my painful moments
Holding my heart in your hands
while stroking my soul
Assembling my fragmented being
back to whom I was meant to be
 
Emotional dependency leaving me blind
As I blossom, I sense your withdrawal
Where did it all go and will it come back?
I question, but no answers are forthcoming
causing me to wilt and wither away in the dark
Will anyone else see who I am
before I disappear ?

               
 

Author notes


Prompt:
...where is the one who can read me, where is the one who can comfort me, where is there one who can even begin to see me?...Unknown

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Blue Rew silver member
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    I like the premise here, the point of view certainly conveys longing. Acceptance is always a universally appealing topic. I also feel the brevity of this piece fits the thoughts as you don't want to wander into a "woe is me" atmosphere. It gives a glimpse and leaves thoughts trailing. I would offer the following suggestions: 'my' and 'I' are used a bit much and slow your flow. In brevity, pronouns usually detract rather than add.
    I felt "Assembling my fragmented being
    back to whom I was meant to be" was the strongest part & would have liked a bit more of this type of visual metaphor to have surfaced within the read.
    I hope this comment proves to be helpful and encouraging as it was meant to be. Blue

  • rhondasail
    September 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I certainly hope for you that this is not a life's experience, but only a composition..."whither away in the dark..."...the poem is beautiful, achingly beautiful...and I think the prompt is well met in it. You even placed an extraordinary title there...Peace to you, Rhonda


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    September 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I question, but no answers are forthcoming
    causing me to wilt and wither away in the dark
    Will anyone else see who I am
    before I disappear ?

    Just very heartfelt and very touching work here..beautiful immageries here..well done ..and thanks for the entry..


  • Lonewolf2008 gold member
    September 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love the flow here, and feel you have a winner. success in the contest. thanks so much for sharing this emotional poem, that struck my fancy. i liked this.

  • Swangrnv
    September 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    another great piece!

    powerful!THIS LINE ABSOLUTELY HITS...Emotional dependency leaving me blind. Damn I FEEL THAT LINE!good luck in the contest!


  • ennovy silver member
    September 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This read moves the the scavengers of our souls and helps us to search, seek and find love. Even in it's disguise the blind can feel and read your words. Beautiful they are, from the soul. Because love will comfort you, and make one see you, different from everyone else......I loved this piece of poetic art.
    ......novy


  • Malabu
    September 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I have a writing, ive always thought

    some people are put in our lives to share a moment...these are called friends...they come and they go...then there are those who come and linger in our lives...these too are friends...and they are with you thick and thin...but the true friend is one who we call lover...they are the reason we live our lives and the ones who comfort us with security..knowing they are for life...love the thoughts you bring...
    Mal


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    September 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I can read you dear one we are like two peas in a pod *shoves you lightly* come on tell me about it Im listening. Everythings gonna be alright if not I know some people who can kick some tail, i seen it written in a poem last night
    Great penning here.
    Good luck im sure you'll do fine with this one.

    Tory

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