Sometimes I dream about her when my mind have taken flight
and I'm lying down besides her in the stillness of the night
The velvety stars above reflects upon her pearly face
and I know we were meant to be together in this familiar place.
Her limbs are perfectly sculpted with the sleekest sex appeal
Should I dare to touch her now to know that she is real
Or is she just a mere figment an instrunment of desire
a thing of wanton beauty that will set my soul on fire.
She echoed sounds of rapture from her painted pearly lips.
'Enchant me now my darling' with your luscious finger tips
At first I was ambivalent to honor her request.
but when I sat bsides her, we were love birds in a nest.
She had to be the smoothest creature that I have ever seen
crafted to perfection and somewhat wider in between
I played her like an instrunment and teased her just the same
she purred just like a kitten, she was hotter than a flame.
I played her with my eyes and ears and stroked her all around
when she couldn't stand it anymore, she made a screehcing sound.
and so, I kissed her gently and, I hope you'll understand
I took her for my sweetheart, my darling baby grand.
She took me up to higher heights, to worlds I've never known
we soared just like an eagle on every note and tone
She wrapped my soul in ivory, we danced to passions beat
I knew this couldn't be a dream when flesh and ivory meet.
I opened up my eyes from sleep as sunlight lit the room
a sadness overwhelmed me and I felt a sense of gloom
her heart was humming sorrow because the night was through
tears of passion fell from her or was it morning dew.
A contest entry
- Instrumental Personification by ten thousand cicadas.
700 points, ended October 2, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Always a pleasure reading you, sister. Your poetry flows easily. Hope you had a great last year. Hope you brought this year is surrounded by love, reminiscing and making GOOD memories. And hope this year is a blast!
DEZ
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ten thousand cicadas
Thank you so much for honorable mention and for pointing some areas that could and have been revised. Thank you again, and congratulations to all the winners.
Avril
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You might changed "polished" to "sleekest" in stanza 2 to make her legs more like a woman.
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Thank you so much for honorable mention and for pointing some areas that could and have been revised. Thank you again, and congratulations to all the winners. Avil
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This is gorgeous stuff. Skillful use of rhyme and rhythm. You did a marvelous job making her come to life!!!! I loved it. I did see one problem logically with this. You mentioned being "ambivilent" to her request enchant her after you had already tempted and touched her in the previous stanza. Seems like you had already moved quite beyond any ambivelence.
I loved your description of her and the interaction between the two of you. This was marvelously done!
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Sultry!
You know, Diamond, one thing I have noticed about contests is that the resulting entries generally don't equate to "real poetry" without knowing why they were written. (What I mean is, they can't stand alone and be deemed as poetry, although they follow all the rules and give the contest holder what has been asked.) This poem, however is poetry. I had no idea it was a contest entry until I got to the Author's Comments section. Here I was thinking this is about your girlfriend, saying to myself, "how come I didn't know she was gay?" My point is, this is marvelous and universal! You had me hooked on every word! It's a steamy write, and well worth the read!!
Thanks for this! It was just thrilling!
Sheryl
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Ms Diamond, It's been a wait and yet it was worth every second. You are in fine form, waltzing readers around the floor and even into private places where they taste the full pleasures of your talent. ---- Beautiful – more please. ---
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You always say the sweetest things Wattle. I am so happy to be back and as you say 'in fine form'. Thank you again and I am happy you enjoyed this piece. Avril
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poeticweaver
Thank you so much Timothy, iti's been quite some time and I'm just beginning to get back into writing poetry. I so much appreciate your very kind comments and I am so happy that you still enjoy my work. Thanks again and good night my friend. Avril
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Wow
This is very good sweet sis, and so nice to read you once again.. I like the flow, and how your words captivate the readers.. THanks for sharing, and all the best within this contest. Peace, and much love always. -Timothy aka poeticweaver
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