You are my best friend,
the trustworthy sister I never had,
It makes me so mad,
that no one seems to take the time to get to know you,
they need to see beyond the goth clothes,
that's just who you are...
to let go of preconcieved notions,
because within you lies an ocean,
of good things
Author notes
To my sista' Erin!
A contest entry
- ~~~* Emotion*~~~ by Maybe Anastasia.
300 points, ended October 10, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Society can be so cruel if you do not become a robot of industry and look, talk and walk as they, the sheep lead to slaughter...it is ashamed that alot of good people are overlooked because of minute things...
Excellent poem and it sounds like you have a dear friend, Britt...
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This is very nice. Erin seems awesome!
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Cool short poem, you really say a lot when you say that she is the sister that you never had. One little typo, that I am surprised no one else has caught, in the 4th line the word "one" is missing "that no ONE seems." Keep writing!
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I can't tell you the number of people who has said that to me... ~ "Your not the person I'd be friends with but I'm really glad I did" ... That type of statement used to hurt my feelings... mostly cause I thought it .... actually its too hard to explain.... now I'm happy to hear it... I have 2 sisters who is beautiful... they are skinny and pretty where as I'm plain... blah... even "goth" were cuter than me... probably still are... I like what is said on the piece, I'd would like to see you work on forming it a little better... a suggestion to what I mean:
Best friend, (2 syllables)
your trustworthy, (4 syllables)
Sister, I've never had! (6 syllables)
2-4-6-8 syllables.... then you have a choice... you can make a butterfly by going
2-4-6-8-2-8-6-4-2 < all syllables...
You have such a good start.... I'd love to see you form it out... You can choose to rhyme or not rhyme but if you decide to rhyme... then do it where its structured... such as the rhyming lines might be
1st & 5th and last... all your two syllables words
or
Lines 1 & 2, then lines 3 & 4, then lines 5 & 6 etc...
or.... you could rhyme just parts....
Rhyme line 4 and 8
~~~~~~~~~ You have a great poem ~~~~~~~~~ REALLY~~~
If you didn't want any of these suggestions then just delete the comment ~ or shoot me a message ~ and I will ~
I'm giving the suggestions just to help~ Your poem is nice just the way it is...
Thanks for listening ~ a friend -
This is beautiful and yes, concise. I think that clarity is simple when you really feel the idea and do not strive to make it profound.
My favorite line is 'that no seems to take the time to get to know you' - wonderful, although I might be tempted to put 'no' in inverted commas.
It is so sad that people can be so judgemental. Only recently here in the UK, two 'Goths' were very badly beaten for their personal sense of style. Why do people feel so threatended by such an unthreating group of people.
Well done!
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very concise;; says a lot. i personally can't stand people who judge on appearances and first impressions. if you can't like someone for who they are, then you don't even deserve to know them. there's more to everyone than meets the eye. i like the little rhyme at the end. hope things get better for you and erin
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I know EXACTLY how you feel, my mum has hated my best friend since i was 16 and some pretty hectic shit went down, and altho I'm not in the same state as my best friend anymore, we talk more than twice a week! And my mum still glares at her whenever she see's her, but we're still the best of friends!
Don't worry about what people say, you friends with her for a reason and nothing should come between that!
well done hun!
ROCK ON!
♥ UnityHope
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great tribute
She must be very special for you to write something like this, super sentiment expressed in just a few words. WASP.
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yes... beauty isn't only skin deep or whatever that saying is. I knw never judge a book by the cover. tru dat. expect the worst from people and u will get it, expect better and persons will try to do better. we are all good at heart.
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