A window made of stained glass
A plaster cast of your face
The vanishing point
Eyes close, but the tears escape anyway
It's too bright to look at the sun
Trees on the horizon
Not out of sight--
Just out of reach
A future you'll never see
A life you'll never live
Leafy green and black and white
Sepia chlorophyll, draining--
September
Reach out to touch
But it's only a blank wall
Glass shatters
A contest entry
- Anything and Everything by californiagirl.
300 points, ended September 20, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-write Party [Why not?] by DancingRed.
300 points, ended September 26, 2007, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I love this
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this is an awesome write. you have a slightly detached tone but it adds rather than detracts. i love the overall sense of regret and longing the piece presents. the lack of contant puncuation is nice, it lets your piece flow and shows it as a continuous thought. good job
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A lovely, bittersweet poem of yearning. You've got some good images happening here.
There's a lot of wisdom in these simple words:
"Not out of sight--
Just out of reach"
It could refer to so many things. I like that.
This is my favourite part:
"Leafy green and black and white
Sepia chlorophyll, draining--
September"
Perhaps 'and' doesn't need to be repeated - it's such a chaffy word. Apart from that, your images in this stanza are quite spectacular. If your whole poem was as succinct as those three lines it would be beyond amazing.
Thanks for entering.
DancingRed. -
This was a really good poem. I enjoyed it a lot. And I like the title, very original. Thanks so much for your entry.
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i like the sun thing you hvae going
another aweosme write
Seej
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