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Departure

Here I lay in this final hour
Held in the gentle arms of light
Clutching the bud which only flowers
Out of the woods, out of the night.

Here I sit in this bed of thorns
For parting is such sweet sorrow
Crimson tears of a heart that mourns
Blur the visions of tomorrow

Here I stand in a pool of dreams
To place a wish on stars up high
Catching kisses on Autumn’s breeze
To soothe the aching of goodbye

But I will step through wild blue yonder
For absence makes the heart grow fonder


~*~

Author notes

I wrote this like a sonnet, 3 quatrains and then rounded off with a rhyming couplet...i like sonnet style! But im not sure if i like this! I forgot some of the original lines so if anything sounds awkward please let me know, chances are theyll be the bits that I had to rethink, I'd like any help there so I can improve it! I'm not so good with rhyme so if it sounds forced let me know and i'll see what I can do!
Thanks for reading! take care, Sam (Dreams27) xxxx

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Comments


  • Daizy21
    September 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Okay no, please don’t think that you have to change anything, call me weird but I liked the fact that this was written awkwardly, its almost like a hidden metaphor that death is not a hard and fast rule, saying goodbye is awkward, it will never feel right.
    Therefore your poem is perfect.
    Its amazing how in one line” bed of thorns” you said a hell of a lot, its beautiful.
    Please don’t change anything.
    I liked the fact that you wrote about a topic that is used a lot, and you still made it your own, thank you for sharing.
    Have a good day!
    Mel


  • Melvina
    September 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done! The rhyme was excellent!
    Keep it up!
    ~cheers~


  • SmokinHotWhiteTiger gold member
    September 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    My dear Sweet Sam I really do not know this form of poetry at all but have read it a few times yet I like what I was reading. the concept and the idea to the basis of this poem is quite ingenius and the awesome way you penned this poem was just incredible. what I really liked the most was the ending although for my only suggestion would be that ending for the rhymed couplet I loved it and it would make a perfect authors note LOL! okay but it does not matter. any ways keep up the good work and take care. Big Big Fresh for ya signed, Paul


  • AshleySmashley
    September 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    LOVE IT!. honestly.
    one of the best poems ive read in a while.
    :]]