Yellow and orange hues
flicker in the darkness,
waltzing on the walls
creating awkward shadows.
Aroma lingers in the room
embracing our nostrils
with every breath.
Entranced by beautiful eyes;
iris filled with different hues.
Open windows allow soft
breeze to seep through.
Flaming embers fly
as my gaze fixates on you.
Troubles forgotten as
you gently lift my chin
to graze my lips.
Silence permeates other than
the harmonious symphony created
by our sighs of adoring contentment.
Our affections not kept secret,
as we lay entwined
before a loving flame.
Author notes
Words used:
shadow~
waltz~
breeze~
softly~
entranced~
eyes~
lift~
linger~
flicker~
ember~
secret~
window~
embrace~
lip~
sighs~
In a list
A contest entry
- Word Bank by piccola.
600 points, ended September 25, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - From Trash to Treasure by star wars fanatic.
1500 points, ended February 22, 2008, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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~Iris filled with different hues.
First word in this line need not be capitalized.
~Flaming embers fly
As I gaze into your eyes.
In poems that are obviously free verse, lines that accidentally rhyme through off the flow.
~Silence overcomes
all that is heard is
our sighs of contentment.
This series of lines makes absolutely no sense. The word choice is off and the flow breaks up the whole poem.
~The beginning of your piece starts out with such great imagery, so the end feels weak to me. I feel like somewhere in the last six lines, there needs to be some more adjectives, a metaphor, or something.
Lots of potential, I can't wait to see the second version of this piece! Thanks for entering! -
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I have edited accordingly based upon your comment
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Thanks! You have given me a lot to think about!! I will be revising this shortly (bed time). Oh and I hope you don't mind my replying to your comment. It just feels wrong not to reply to such a detailed comment Thanks again!
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Anytime! Good night!
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Wonderful
Very well done. Great poem for the word bank. Best of luck in the contest.
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Nice entry. Softly romantic and very visual.
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This is really good you have done a nice job with this piece.Thank you for sharing and goodluck to you in the contest.Best wishes
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Thank you for the wonderful comment
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