Come
to the bed
of our wishes and dreams
I laid down for you.
Lie by my side
let your warm breath on my neck
be your guide.
Leave
the smell of honey
on my lips
and shivers down my spine.
Trace
with your scouting fingers
all those goosebump fields
blossoming for you,
smiling.
Touch me, love me
with fire's sparkling blaze.
Breathe
with me the same air of love
and hold me, hold me...
Cover
us with the beauty
of autumn's night.
Author notes
POD - Lust
In a list
A contest entry
- The POD by Arkbear.
300 points, ended September 20, 2007, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Excellent!
I see you won HM in the poem of the day, I have to keep one on hand so I am prepared for the next one. I loved this one I can see why it placed! f
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Thank you my dear sis, it wasn't easy to win it, lol, but I am ready to write something new for the next one too. I will try to complete my collection
~Sonja~
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sonja, your poetry as of late, and i am not the only one to remark, is blossoming like a virgin field of freshly sown wild flowers. sown wild flowers? yes, some people have it in them, and your hand sowing your poetry is creating the magic of petals awakening to the flute... music, delight, and such tender love...
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what a comment, thank you. try to imagine my chest swelled of pride. I can already hear the sound of flute, or was that just my flowers playing?
~Sonja~
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I don't think that anyone can paint "lust" in such soft colours of love as you did here, Sonja. The words in italic say so much and emphasizes the invitation to the loved one - he can only read those words and he'll know what to do! Lovely poetry - sensual and warm!
~ Nicolette
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Yes, that's true my dear friend. This is the way I am writing my poetry. I see that you know how to read it and to feel it. No wonder, I found the same on your poetry stage.
Thank you.
~Sonja~
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"Lie by my side
let your warm breath on my neck
be your guide."
I love this. Very gentle, beautiful sensual,
I love the pacing of this poem,
with the verbs in italics, then the rest unfolding.
Beautiful poetry, as always I read on your pages
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Thank you for you always nice comments and friendly support to my poetical efforts. Sorry, don't want to leave you waiting for my answer so long but I was occupied with some other things.
~Sonja~
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BEAUTIFUL SONJA!
I loved this work! Nice style and creativity put into this. THANKS FOR THE POEM!!!
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Did you forget to ad a mark after beautiful? lol thank you for your kind visit to my site and for so uplifting comment.
~Sonja~
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The first time I read through this, I loved the use of the italics in selected words, so I guess guttermouth and I disagree on that point. I thought they gave emphasis and gave this a unique rhythm while reading. While it might not be the most original poem I've read, it has some nice imagery and a good flow. The title...very generic, but it does tie to the write. Finally, I think you handled the subject of lust in a very classy way - very nicely done. I enjoyed this very much, and wish you good luck in the contest.
Best wishes,
~J. -
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Thank you trista for your participation in this judging trio. I agree with Arkbear that is always good to have more judges and opinions. As always, it was interesting to wait for results and after my yesterday's 12 hour's working day I am granted with this nice shiny trophy. well, from time to time I will have to polish it a bit, lol.
~Sonja~ -
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You are very welcome. Congrats on your trophy - you earned it.
~J.
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Title - Generic title. Wasn't really impressed by this at all. 7/10
Appearance - I liked the appearance. I think the color scheme was very nice and enjoyed the choice of backgrounds. The scan was a bit off, but not terribly so. 9/10
First Impression - I enjoyed the first read through of this very much. I found the read to have a nice rhythm which I didn't think it would at first glance. The italics put me off a bit and I found it a bit distracting and overused. 8/10
Rule Adherence - I found no rule violations. 10/10
Rhythm - As said, the rhythm was unexpectedly nice. I think the only rhythm breakup was caused more by the arrangement than the wording. 9/10
Imagery - Nice imagery without being overly dramatic. I think you captured the theme very well with some very sensual writing. "...goosebump fields/blossoming for you" was wonderful. 10/10
Originality - Originality was so-so, which is pretty much expected when given a theme such as this. Still held my attention nicely. 8/10
Spelling/Word Usage - I found no spelling errors or poor word usage. 10/10
Grammar - I found no grammatical errors. 10/10
Ease of Understanding - Clear as day, no question marks left in my head even after the first read which I always appreciate. 10/10
Total Score - 91/100 -
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Thank you very much for your effort to read and comment and for such a deep review on my poetry.
~Sonja~
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Aww.......
Such an enchanted read ~
To await for a Lover with such intense fire....Grrrrrrr ~
I absolutely loved this write ~
I am glad you did not take it to the Erotica side, and stayed clear, of what your focus was here ~
I am partial to a Poet who can grab me and make me squirm for no reason ~
This is passionate lust to the very core ~
There is a very fine line between lust and erotica format....you have penned on the line of this incredible emotion ~
Presentation....not good at all....Flow.....whew!.....yes....that's a good thing ~
Title....Very cliche' ~
....over-all impression.....
.........very nice indeed ~
Good luck Poet,
Bear ~
Title 8.7
Flow 9.8
Depth 9.9
Theme 9.4
Feelings 9.8
Grammar 9.7
Presentation 9.0
Uncommonness 9.6
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.6
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 95.5
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Thanks Arkbear for bringing me back to be excited waiting for your scores like I am back to college, lol... That was all by me I was able to offer you for this contest prompt.
~Sonja~
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This is lovely...nice vision of an autumn night, lying ,waiting for the soul mate,very good poem my sweet friend..good luck..MM
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