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The First Night

All Started With A Chocolate Dream
Mixed With Nicotene
Hand In Hand
One On One
Then Mixed Into Darkness
All Alone
Walking For What
Seemed Like Forever
Looked To The Satrs
What We Do Best
And There It Was
A Shooting Star
Made A Wish
Its Coming True
Looked Further Into
The Night
Saw A Storm Brewing
Our Hearts Intwertwined
At The Sight Of The Light
Illuminating The Clouds
Signaling What Was To Come
No Worries
With Her Hand In Mine
I Felt Safe
No One Could Touch Me
Except Her
Thats The Way I Wanted It

A contest entry

A poem about our first night and how magical it was.

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Comments

1 - 32 of 32

  • paperacid
    October 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this wasn't bad, dude.


  • only1love4ever
    November 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is great. Only one thing, you have a couple of spelling errors. Thank you for entering my contest. I really enjoyed this peice.


  • XxGoldenxXDawnxX
    October 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Keep up the good work poet! I so enjoyed this work, my favourite lines were:

    All Started With A Chocolate Dream
    Mixed With Nicotene


    Thanks for entereing.

  • sociaL IntollErance
    October 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    how sweet love is. good write

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    October 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a nice piece thank you for your entry and goodluck to you in the contest.Best wishes and much love


  • -CrimsonTears-
    October 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i love it...great job...i can tell you love her....
    good luck in the contest


    • Izu
      October 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you chels, and hope i do good


  • Lyndon gold member
    October 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "Looked To The Satrs" => I think you mean "stars" and not "Satyrs" ?? "Thats" must be " that's ". An immediately followable poem , centered with short lines. There is a kind of stream-of-consciousness to it. You began and ended well enough.
    Do proofread! "Intwertwined" means "intertwined" and there is no need for upper-case letters for each word. A romantic night walk emerges from this piece.
    This is a short poem and is direct.
    Thank you, shift-shaft, for entering.
    Keep competing and good luck.
    Ron.


  • Music-Is-My-Sin
    October 1, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wow... beautiful.

    Good luck in my contest and thanks for entering.


  • SilverRain
    September 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Great Poem!


  • wingsofgold25 silver member
    September 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your entry to the contest and Good Luck.


  • adsaige
    September 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Quick question...why do you capitalize everyword???? I'm so terribly losts...

    This poem is how every touching...but the capitalization loses some of it's endearing quality. But I liked this overall in it's gentle sense.


  • Kati Kat
    September 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    aww this is so sweet!
    i love it

    ♥


  • W B Burkholder
    September 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for the entry, Satrs? is this a typo?

  • Mercury Rising
    September 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This poem is very touching and has a wonderful flow. A real pleasure to read. Best of luck in my contest and thanks for entering.

    David

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    September 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    First, I am not sure why you have every word capitalized.

    I enjoyed your opening two lines, very unique and fresh.

    "Walking For What
    Seemed Like Forever"

    I wanted to know why it seemed like forever there.

    I can easily appreciate the love that flows easily in this piece. I would have prefered to see more imagery, a bit more outside of the box but it was nicely done.


  • Namita
    September 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    97 words. DQ.

    All Started With A Chocolate Dream
    Mixed With Nicotene
    Hand In Hand
    One On One
    Then Mixed Into Darkness
    All Alone
    Walking For What
    Seemed Like Forever
    Looked To The Satrs
    What We Do Best
    And There It Was
    A Shooting Star
    Made A Wish
    Its Coming True
    Looked Further Into
    The Night
    Saw A Storm Brewing
    Our Hearts Intwertwined
    At The Sight Of The Light
    Illuminating The Clouds
    Signaling What Was To Come
    No Worries
    With Her Hand In Mine
    I Felt Safe
    No One Could Touch Me
    Except Her
    Thats The Way I Wanted It


  • Arizona Sunset
    September 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is very sweet, and loving...Our Hearts Intwertwined
    At The Sight Of The Light
    Illuminating The Clouds
    very image filled, enjoyable read, thank you for sharing

  • nerd42189
    September 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is one of the sweetest poems i have read its not clique or anything its just short and sweet with a lot of emotion. thanks for entering my very first contest and congrats on being a finalist.


    • Izu
      September 19, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      your welcome and im glad to be a finalist


  • HeavensNewestAngel
    September 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent poem. Good luck in my contest. Can you please put in your authors box what member of my family you would like to be. Thank you


  • PerpetualNight
    September 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Alex.. it was beutiful I love it .. it made me tear up.. God you are so sweet I love this poem and I love you.

1 - 32 of 32