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Salty Water

So we say the sweetest of goodbyes
You hold me in your arms
So soft, so strong as if to say
'Not even another lifetime can rip you from my soul'

And my heart it does cry
But I stay firm not wanting to blurr
Your perfection with meaningless drops of salty water
I want to drown in this moment, nothing else matters

There are goosebumps on my neck
From where your head rested on my shoulder
Your perfect mouth whispering the final goodbyes
Promising we will see each other sometime...someday

This moment has to end
And that thought clouds my head and fills me with
Emptiness... Hollowness... Brokenness
And when it does my only reminder of you

Is the salty water absorbed by my kiss

 

 

Author notes

This sounds more intimate that I intended to be honest. Its really about a friend of mine who moved away, but thats creativity for you! I'm trying to get into more intimate/romantic writes, so critiques greatly accepted.

Hope you like!

A contest entry

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Comments


  • Canis Lupus
    October 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is a beautiful write, really got the message across of missing someone before they've even gone, can't fault this piece, i think it's all as it should be! Beautiful work...


  • magnolia. gold member
    September 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "And when it does my only reminder of you

    Is the salty water absorbed by my kiss"

    I do feel that the concept of "salty water" was used a little to much here, it did distract me a little,

    That said, this is a really well thought & written piece. I enjoyed reading the last too lines epescially! And for your age this writting is exceptional!

    Thank you for your comment and good luck in this contest.

    Mwah.

    Sophie.

    x