Green, the rolling hills of my home
between the cerulean sky and deep blue sea,
keen, the soaring eagles freely roam
thirteen oceans between paradise and me.
Together, we climbed the creeping mounds
heather tickled our outstretched hands,
whether over our laughter we heard the deep sounds
tether the skies in thunderous demands.
Mist gradually fell as the skies quickly grayed
twist in the clouds drawing near,
fist of god fell and in lightning cracks played
midst obscurity and lustrousness, we fear.
Waves crashed and pounded the near-by walls
graves to the souls of the sea,
caves become grand theatrical halls
paves a clear path for us to decree.
And suddenly, it's over, the sun battles through
sand is now golden, as before
land is now dry as though cleaned to anew
grand are the oceans once more.
Out of our hiding we wearily drew
doubt in our minds if it was clear,
without a glance backwards, we rose, me and you
devout, we smile at eachother and cheer.
Author notes
This is a new form for me; I wanted to try something completely different, and while it was quite challenging, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
In a list
A contest entry
- I want delightful, I want talent, I want poetry! PIF CONTEST by Theroseislovely.
400 points, ended September 20, 2007, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your best PW from 2007... by O.o.
1000 points, ended January 11, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Really lovely, nicer grammar, punctuation etc...well done.
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Very Good
I liked your poem.
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Excellent
I loved every word in this poem for it walked you through the changes in our world and yet leaving us so small to our surrounding's
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I love the form. I've been studying new forms lately, but I've never come across with this one. It's beautiful, how it rhymes at the beginning of the lines, as well as holds a endline rhyme. Beautiful!
The story is so beautiful too. So visual and so emotional in a way I can't put to words. I loved the wording and how the storm started and ended, all in the same short story, showing all the good sides of it.
Definately one of the best poems I've read in a while. I'll have to see to this form at some point because I really like it. Wonderful work!
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I am unfamiliar with the form and really awful at meter so I can offer no real critique. Good luck with your contest entry.
Lisa -
This poem was one of true beauty, thank you for sharing.
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