i.
moonlight's
a white forest fire
who carries me
leaping
like interstellar laughter;
shimmers in her hair
echo with the dreaming
of owl-wing music.
ii.
dawn spills
hung-over vodka
into sky;
dreams are hushed
into the dishwasher
like secrets
fervently scribbled,
then folded and
forgotten.
iii.
I drown once more
in deadly breathing.
Author notes
xx
A contest entry
- PIF Early Bird Quickie...10/50/30 by poet2angels.
575 points, ended September 19, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
critique welcome.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This is great!
I like the folded and forgotten secrets.
Write on!
*PEACE*
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Wow! I am without words.
This is exquisite use of metaphorical language. I could get lost in poetry like this, because it is truly hypnotizing to read. Bravo!
Thank you for making so many beautiful comments on my poetry.
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Interesting Poetry
Good poem.
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your writing is very inspiring.
just thought you should know.
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thank you thank you thank you for all your lovely comments.
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This is amazing, its been such a while since ive read anything by you... all i remember of your older poetry was the mr lino reading some of your stuff to the class. but this surpasses all, you cant compliment a poem with a ramble case of paragraphs can you? I reckon with a poem like this, youd have to give it justice by responding with another poem, because poetry express .... just something else that is just so hard to articulate. its just, magic with a 'k' (so magik) applayse applause applause
very well donne. (oh lordy me)
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Beautifully done and great for the prompt...wonderful metaphor...
Lynda
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ii. is my favorite, definately, the lines
"dawn spills
hung-over vodka
into sky;
dreams are hushed
into the dishwasher
like secrets
fervently scribbled,
then folded and
forgotten"
although i think theyre all great.
"I drown once more
in deadly breathing" at FIRST seems kindofff unoriginal but when I thought about it I was like "wow, I really like the whole drowning and breathing contrast" its very thought provoking.
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Thank you endlessly for your endlessly beautiful comments.
yeah, I get what you mean - I did opt for some clichés there... haha, I think it's 'cause I'm getting seriously sleepy
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prompt is:
"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world. "
Oscar Wilde
or
the picture above
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