I say chaps, that's just not cricket!
When it comes to OUR language you're on a sticky wicket"
Every little tiny village, has got a city father
You go overboard with endless praise, when we say "Yes, well rather"
"Have a nice day" is heard all round, from folks who mean it not
And if you don't acknowledge it, you think that you'll get shot
You've added ten on every got, inventing the word gotten
In nearly all the words you say, our language sounds quite rotten!
You've put a K in schedule, you think it's said like school
You don't like using up your "u"s, and you think zee's the rule
You run and fetch a flashlight when you clearly need a torch
And you sit and rock upon a thing, you think is called a porch
You go into a restroom, when you really mean the loo
If that is where you're resting, I'm quite surprised at you!
A bag of chips are called french fries, a bag of crisps are chips
You've never heard of irony, and miss out half our quips
You all live in apartments, a posher word for flats
You shop at stores and not in shops, and all wear cowboy hats
Your president's war on tourists, has got us all in fits
But we like your word for pimples, so now we all have zits
I hope you think this poem sounds as English as you'd like
But if it's not your cup of tea, tough luck, get on your bike!
Author notes
Any insults above are purely tongue in cheek and only for poetic effect :-)
A contest entry
- Hundreds of Thousands by Melodies.
550 points, ended September 25, 2007, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please comment below. Spelling or rhyming or scanning corrections welcome.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Liked the content,intent and contrasts within this.Indeed English is our language and has been Americanized by Americans.Some of the differences lead to smiles,such as when I was engaged to an American he thought a fish and chip supper was odd til he ate real chips lol and I was mystified by a request for soup and crackers,he meant soup with croutons, and their bacon is ham,imagine how difficult it was explaining what bubble and squeek is!
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Well, I have to say you've done it
And showed those Yanks 'what for'
For we invented English
And it thrills us to the core
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a tidy sum of sharing!
Thanks ... I enjoyed the way you posted this and all I've got to say is "don't get your knickers in a twist" when your costume doesn't fit next year. Apples and pears, eh? A fellow contestant from the U. S. of A! joy
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<<< is not British, but agrees with the sentiment behind this ENTIRELY!
LOL!
I enjoyed this one - light and fun
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Making me smile really BIG!!
What fun! I am so glad for your happy poem because it is filled with lovely lines of super-fun language! 
I could listen to this stuff all day and I hope you enjoyed writing this as much as I liked reading it! 
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Great entry and a really good laugh at ourselves as Brits and anyone who dares to criticise our ways!! Beautifully tongue in cheek. I love it - good luck in the contest.
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