take my song
in your eyes,
an april ago
into my music
as light,
for I carried you
not understanding
my love
note by note.
do you remember
us, lifting hands
so I could smell
your glass flowers
that clink
piano,
my remnants
of corridor passion
yet singing
al niento.
Author notes
al niente - to nothing [a musical expression cheifly used as a direction]
A contest entry
- PIF Early Bird Quickie...10/50/30 by poet2angels.
575 points, ended September 19, 2007, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-write Party 5 by DancingRed.
300 points, ended October 9, 2007, 29 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I really like this.
Great description.
Congrats on th gold.
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Congrats, Namita! I love the sound of this as you read. The structure was perfect. Almost like your piece was sprinkled with eighth and quarter rests--just enough to allow time for reflection, not enough to drag out the line, and thus distract the reader. Excellent poem. Congrats on your double gold!
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"your glass flowers
that clink
piano"
-- This is stellar, my dear. I have no critique at all.
Thanks for entering.
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I am letting Nicolette's formats influence me, thought not as professionaly as you.....stunning!
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Wonderful piece
Congratulations on your well deserved gold Candy
Gaylene
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Lovely piece of musicianship to melt...this flows my morning eyes to shine...just beautiful
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Beautifully done! I love this....so soft iwth lovely imagery!
Great job with the prompt!
So unique...
Lynda
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prompt is:
"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world. "
Oscar Wilde
or
the picture above
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