I miss you Kristin
You where always there
At times when it seamed no one could care
Advice when you told me to listen
Like when I wanted to hit my dad
You said "don't worry your just mad"
I remember when you broke your hand
You still helped me learn that song for the youth band
And all the times you made me smile
Wiche I think about more than once in a while
Why'd you die so young
My friendship with you was so fun
A great friend to all you were
It hurts when people ask did you know her
I miss you Kristin N. Floyd
Your in a better place now
A place your soul wont avoide
As I ask God why and how
I cry as I think of you
But a friend that was true
That was you
Author notes
In loveing Memory of Kristin Nicole Floyd
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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It sounds like Kristin was an incredible person. You honored her beautifully with this
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Really beautiful work, still could use some polishing. (but couldn't everything?) Grief over a person is hard to over come, I could understand that, As well as many other people. If you edit this and work at it a little more it would be so much better and I bet whoever this Kristin is would be smiling from where ever she is.
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I agree with Luz. I can certainly relate to this poem, as can a lot of people, I guess, but while it could be so deep and painful to read, it was just bland.
Enrich your language. Use words that are powerful; the words you use are common, trite, and provide no impression of lingering sadness.
The sentence structure hinders this, too. It's bland. I won't get into the grammatical aspect unless you want a critique of that; if you do, let me know.
Show, don't tell. It makes for interesting, effective poetry.
--Cristina -
First off, welcome to my group. You will eventually know that I will always consider your feelings when critiquing your poetry but I will always give MY honest opinion on what I think may help your poetry. It is only MY opinion so you are free to disagree.
There are a lot of typos, sometimes I use typos for a reason but I couldn’t find anything relevant to that here: remember*, which*, did*, avoid*. “i” seems to work as lowercase but if you do this, you may want to keep it consistent to what “I” means versus “I.”
Your poem seems like it may benefit with some unique and enchanting language. The #1 common agreement on what makes a good poem is to show and not tell, there is a lot of telling here and not so much showing.
Never the less, this was very moving and heart breaking at the same time. I was moved by your sincere words.
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omg
Oh my god cole, hun! wow i am so sorry! i think shes in a better place. Everything will be ok. i am here for you. remember that.
hugz xxxxx (..)*
Britt
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