Why
do I
like to fly
to soar up high
in the azure sky
New maneuvers to try
new and novel skills apply
law of gravity to defy
Flap at my friends as I pass them by
It makes me a happier guy that's why.
In a list
A contest entry
- Rhyme Time by Danna Hobart.
375 points, ended October 12, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Because I got so many entries, I am going to judge this a little different than I normally do. On the contest page the challenge was to write a rhyming poem that shows instead of tells, with imagery and metaphor galore. In addition to those things, I am going to take the meter and rhythm into account along with originality. So I am going to award points for each of those things and then sort of tally them at the end to decide on the winners.
Show vs. Tell: 20/100
The poem does more telling than showing.
Concrete Images: 30/100
Metaphor/Symbol/Allusion 70/100
The poem seems pretty straightforward, but I suppose a case could be made for the entire thing to be symbolic so I am giving you partial credit.
Originality: 20/100
The idea is not new.
Meter: 90/100
Your meter is steady, but your rhyme seems a little forced to me. -
Excellent rhyme and rhythm here but also paints a picture with the words--all of a sudden you are soaring with rhyme! Good luck in the contest!
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